Update

So I didn't initially want to divulge information about a third surgery I had in September (maybe I felt a little vain?), but it's part of my journey and I think it's important that it's included with my story. The surgery was "minor" compared to the other two I'd previously had, however I think it came in as 2nd on the pain scale. Dr. Heinrich (still an amazing surgeon) did a little bit of scar revision and fat grafting (gross, right?), where she sucked fat (not nearly enough in my opinion) from my stomach and hips and flushed it around my implants to give them a softer, more balanced look. I'm extremely pleased with the results, and am SO ready to be done with procedures! No more!

The oncologist I'd been meeting with since day 1 left the health system that my insurance covers, so I met with a new oncologist, Dr. Murphy. She specializes in young women who are diagnosed with breast cancer, and immediately I noticed a difference between the two. She brought up the family aspect (we'd wanted to start ours just before I was diagnosed) and offered to revisit starting one sooner than later (not yet though). I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet - going off tamoxifen is terrifying, especially if the goal is pregnancy which would give me an overload of hormones, but it was beyond nice to hear a doctor who actually looked at it from my perspective instead of immediately jumping into statistics.

Jason and I did the Making Strides walk again this year (in October) and I'm happy to say we raised just under $1,000 for the cause thanks to my family and friends. Feels great to be part of an event that is bigger than just my experience!

That's all (for now)!
Cassie

Tamoxifen

One year down, four to go. #cantheflashesgoawayalready?

One Year Later

And just like that, an entire year has passed. Today, one year ago (at approximately 2pm), I got the call no one ever wants to get. My breast cancer diagnosis was the switch that flipped my life completely upside down for 6 months, revealing in the process anxiety and pain, extreme love and support, and a sense of strength I never knew I had in me (cue eyes tearing up).

To mark this occasion (and the many 1st-year-anniversaries coming up), I've gone back to the very beginning of this blog to reflect. A quick recap of the first six months: I'd go from writing posts like this:

"It’s a lot harder to be confident and strong and positive when you’re alone and it’s quiet and dark." 

...to starting the next one with "I'm feeling awesome!" Cancer's such a sucky, terrifying, no-seatbelts-and-upsidedown-loops roller coaster.

And now, the end.

I wrote the blog to remind the future me of all that I went through during the process of beating breast cancer. To remind myself (in case I don't glance at the scars, or have a dozen hot flashes each day) that it did in fact happen, and that I made it out alive. It's served as a place for me to jot down the feelings/fears I couldn't express out loud, a message board for my family and friends, and hopefully, as a source of inspiration for others who have heard the three dreaded words "you have cancer."

Now that my year with cancer is wrapping up (aside from occasional check-up appointments and taking tamoxifen, there's very little in my life that deals with it on a daily basis), I'm struggling to find content worthy of posting. I'm a boring person that went through something thousands of others go through; that doesn't make me interesting. Jotting down notes about what happens in my daily life isn't beneficial to anyone (and I think it comes across as a little narcissistic).

That being said, I also get a little stressed seeing "Post to blog" come up on my to-do list every couple of days. No one needs unnecessary stress, especially when life right now is so much fun. And especially when the remedy is so simple: to stop stressing about writing on this blog. I told myself at the beginning that I'd never let it get to this place where the content had nothing to do with breast cancer or my journey, and now that it's here, I think the only thing left to say is "goodbye."

I'm deleting the reminder on my phone (and finally, the alarms I created to remind me to take my different pain meds every 4, 6 and 8 hours - no clue why that took a year to do?!), and won't stress (at least, not about this) any more. If something at an appointment comes up, I may revisit just to jot it down, but no more of this bi-weekly "sorry I haven't written" nonsense.

Thank your for your continued support, your daily/weekly/monthly visits to this place where I've been spilling my guts for a year, and most of all, your love and friendship. I couldn't have made it through the experience without you!

Cass

Full of Excuses

That's me, for not writing in what seems like forever! Let's see, what have I been up to?

• My mom and stepdad were in town right after Mother's Day, so we had them and my brother Adam over for a dinner with lots of debate on whether prayer should be allowed in schools (apparently wine not only brings on the hot flashes, but also the political debates with my Republican mother...). NO idea how we got on that topic, but I'm happy to say we ended the conversation and still love each other :)
• I had another LOLTC meeting - have I gone into this yet? I'm a volunteer on the planning committee for an event hosted by Gillette Children's Hospital called LOLTC (Laugh Out Loud Twin Cities). The event is in late September and we'll be having the one and only David Spade as our entertainment! We're still early in the process, but if you know of a business that'd be willing to donate gift cards, golf outings, vacations etc, please let me know! 
• I've still been seeing the physical therapist for my pesky back muscle; and thankfully I think it's on the way out. I'm still icing it every night, and it's pretty flared up after I run, but on occasion, I feel like I'm not noticing it anymore, which must mean it's getting better right?
• I had a Breast Cancer Patient Advisory Committee meeting, which, as always, reminds me of how thankful I am for the doctors and nurses I got to work with during my biopsy, diagnosis, surgeries and recovery. Not everyone is so lucky; I feel like I got the best of it all!
• My BFF from preschool, Maeghen, was in town from MA for her parent's 30th wedding anniversary, so we got to hang out a bit while she was here on a 3-day stay. It was lovely catching up with her and her two sisters; can't wait until October when the middle of the three girls (Alexis) gets married!
• We kicked off wedding season by celebrating our friends Paul and Will in a lovely ceremony and reception right here in St. Paul. The happiness that beamed out of their smiles was tremendous - it's not often you see true love like this (and they had a penguin at their reception - best entertainment ever!)!
• Jason and I just enjoyed a few days visiting friends in Rice Lake, WI over Memorial Day weekend. They recently bought their first house and it was so nice catching up and breaking it in! We came home a day early to have a grill out of our own, and so I could spend some time finishing up the paint job I started in our dining room (to fix damage from a polar vortex ice dam). It's getting there, just need to move the furniture back and we can call it done! 

Aaaaand that's just the past two weeks. Throw in a few of Jason's softball games, some yard work  (my seedlings are completely duds by the way), trips to the gym, and an episode of Breaking Bad here and there and I'd say my time is all used up :)

Bring it on summer (and sorry, I have photos for a few of the events above but I'm having issues with my Apple ID/iPhoto streaming...maybe next time)!

Success!

So today was the big day - I was going to try running the entire Race for the Cure. Did I succeed? No, but don't worry, I'm not too upset about it. I ran all but maybe 2 minutes of it, so still better than any of the other years I've participated. My sister Rachel and I had a great time and I can't wait to try try again next year (and probably a few times before that too)!

Rach and I by the giant ribbon and such excitement after finally finding bananas!

I've also been absolutely obsessed lately with the Young House Love blog (I'm late to the party). Haven't heard of it? Please please go here and check it out - you might become obsessed too. Anyway, it inspired me to do a little diy/clean up of our house, and after weeding through all of the drawers in our house (a lot with all of the built-ins we have), I feel organized and rid of clutter. It's a fantastic feeling! Also accomplished this weekend: a new railing on the balcony overlooking our backyard. We're hoping to put our little container garden up there once my seedlings sprout and are thinking about maybe putting a little table and chairs too. We'll see what happens; I'm just so excited it's finished!

Before and after!

Scatter-Brain

Life has been crazy (such a cliche) so I apologize if this gets a little disorganized.

First: running. This week has been a disappointment, to say the least. Sunday/Monday I tried running outside (hey, if I'm running 3 miles outside on Sunday, I should probably test the waters first, right?) and both days I did terrible! I don't know if it's the lack of a tempo that I get with the treadmill, or the minor hills/bumpy sidewalks I encountered, but my butt was sufficiently kicked. I was so discouraged that I skipped the 5K I'd planned on running Tuesday with the Lifetime crew and struggled through 35 minutes on a sweaty treadmill. Yuck. I took a break last night and tonight I was back at it, however I forgot to throw a pair of socks in my gym bag last night, so I ran barefoot in my shoes for 20 minutes before giving up to a nasty blister that started forming. I could've gone longer, but I need my feet to be in good shape!

Second: I didn't get a chance to gush but I'm going to toot my own horn for a minute. Last weekend I (along with two friends, Emily and Jhanna) threw a co-ed baby shower for our friends Andrew & Joelle. It turned out magnificently! The decorations were adorable, the food and drinks were tasty, and the company couldn't have been better. Everyone who attended seemed to have a great time, so I'd call that a success!

Our hard work in action

Finally: We're trying our hands at gardening vegetables this summer! We're getting a late start (I saw cute little sprouts WEEKS ago already at a friend's house), and we're going small for this first attempt. We bought a small container and plan to enjoy an assortment of fresh peppers, tomatoes, tomatillos, basil, oregano, chives, cilantro and mint (if all goes according to plan). I'm all for sharing, so bring on the tips!

Doesn't look like much now, but in 7-10 days we should see some sprouts!

Food

The shoes work! I don't feel light as a feather, but somehow the minutes are getting easier and easier (I feel like I'm going to struggle tonight, just because I'm saying this right now). I'm still not looking forward to my runs, but not absolutely dreading them is encouraging ha.

So I'm sure you're sick of hearing me talk about running, back aches (yep you guessed it - our handiwork around the house this weekend enraged my rhomboid muscle again) and being a vegetarian (still going strong since Mexico (although I may be adding fish in here and there... stay tuned)!), so I'm going to share a delightful little recipe Jason and I made for dinner last night that packs in the veggies and smells amazing while you cook it. It's from the genius chef Andie Mitchell's blog "Can You Stay for Dinner" and it's called Lightened Up Pad Thai for Two. Like her, I could eat it for days at a time. Mine didn't look as pretty as hers does, so I'll share one of her photos: 

Try it and let me know what you think!

Enjoy!

New Shoes!

I've been ramping up my running in a big way over the past couple of weeks in order to do the Lifetime 90 day challenge 5K on May 6 and then the Race for the Cure 5K on May 11, and to be honest, it's getting pretty challenging (all of you long distance runners out there laughing, please keep your judgements to yourselves!). I'm not going to tell you how long I'm able to run before wanting to pass out, but I'm adding minutes daily and pretty soon I'll be proud enough of my milage to talk about it. Today is a rest day, but tomorrow I'm jumping in with these new pretties I picked up this afternoon:

Hopefully they'll make me light as a feather and I won't notice I'm running anymore...

A Week By the Sea

Sorry for the lapse in writing; I have a good excuse - Jason and I have recently returned from a week-long trip to Mexico (Puerto Morelos to be exact)! We slept in, relaxed, read, drank margaritas and other exciting drinks, kayaked, soaked up sunshine, ate fish tacos, walked the beach, learned about the ancient Mayan culture, swam, and overall had an amazing time! We needed the break more than I'd expected!

Right to left, top to bottom: Our first drinks (at the airport - c'mon give us a break, it'd snowed 6" in MN while we were leaving that morning!), my first glimpse of the ocean, the first meat I'd eaten in over 2 months, a jellyfish shot.

View from the pool and the beautiful beach in front of our resort.

Ruins, and the most beautiful beach I've ever seen!

Obsessed

The sunrise on the day we left. I may have teared up a little (no judging).

Winter, go AWAY!

Like, right now. Pretty please.

Pictures!

This is completely unrelated to anything I typically write about (maybe that's a good thing, been a lot of complaining lately haha!) but get this: Getty Images now allows millions (yep you read that right) of their images to be shared (online only, for non-commercial purposes) for FREE! Meaning, I'm able to give you this beauty:

 ...without having to worry about copyright or spending big bucks first. Pretty awesome huh?

Happy Monday!

Therapy

I met with the physical therapist yesterday who agreed that it is a strained muscle in my back that's causing so much pain. She lectured me about my posture at work, and showed me a few stretches to strengthen the muscles that are out of whack. Bad news: she said our meeting yesterday starts week one and that it'll be 6-7 weeks before I'm pain free. That means I'm stuck on the stationary bike for awhile instead of the treadmill, but I'm at the point where I'd do almost anything to get rid of the pain. I'm meeting with her again next week and I'm hoping I'm able to say that I've noticed a change!

On and Up!

Not much to report. I finally had an appointment with a general practitioner last week who told me the pain in my back is caused by a strained rhomboid muscle. I was super excited that we finally had a reason for the pain, AND she offered me ways to fix it! It's typically a 6-8 week injury (lucky me, this is week 9!) but my doctor thinks it'll last a little longer (of course). She gave me a few different remedies, one being physical therapy, so I'm crossing my fingers something starts to work, and fast!

Whoops

Didn't mean for so much time to pass between updates! I feel like I'm finally back on track after spending last weekend in Chicago with some very dear friends (missing the early train Saturday night + daylight savings + early wake-up call Sunday = delirious for days); it felt like a very quick trip but it was fantastic to spend the weekend with such wonderful people!

Once we unpacked and finally got our mountains of laundry taken care of, I was a busy girl this week helping my sister with her invoices (don't worry - no math was involved), having dinner with my gal pals, attending my second Patient Advisory Committee meeting, and celebrating Jason's Uncle's birthday and St. Patrick's Day. Ooof.

The Patient Advisory Committee meeting was an interesting one - they'd sent out a copy of a brochure that we'd be reviewing. The first time I looked it over I was furious - it was addressed to those dealing with breast cancer, and the topic was unnecessary tests (which according to the brochure, included PET, CT, and bone scans). As a survivor, I've been unsuccessfully lobbying my doctors for those tests since the day of my mastectomy - you can never be sure that every cell was removed, and cancer can spread like wild fire. Of course I'd want a scan, if not for preventative steps (if there is a cell somewhere, let's find it now and get rid of it), then simply for my mental health! Peace of mind works a million times better than any drug, and so what if the tests are expensive - that's what I have health insurance for!

I went to the meeting on fire and ready for a hefty debate and was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't alone with my feelings. We had a fantastic discussion and I'm sure the content will be addressed before it goes out to anyone. I left knowing that I'd contributed, helped someone just a little bit, and it felt great!

Looking Back

Today marks the 1-year anniversary of my step-sister Margie's death. My motto is that looking forward is best, while on the same coin, it's important to remember what has happened in the past (and not dwell on it). The past makes us who we are today and without certain events, we wouldn't have gotten to where we are now. So today I'm trying hard not to recall the events that happened that day last year, but rather trying to take a moment to remember how beautiful she was, or the sound of her contagious laugh. I'm thinking about what kind of mother she would've been, and how wonderful it would've been to have another niece to love.

It's crazy how things that happened a year ago can seem as fresh as yesterday, while at the same time feeling like they occurred a lifetime ago!

Run Run Run

Well I'm officially cancer-free... again, says Dr. Howe. I completely believe him, but that doesn't solve my pain problem! I'm listening to the advice from many people I love and taking a week off from running. Just one week. It's going to drive me nuts, and I might sneak in to do some time on a stationary bike, but no one has to know. I have another quick massage tomorrow after work; hopefully Maggie will tell me things feel looser/less inflamed (they don't to me).

I just signed up for our annual Race for the Cure team. I've participated (as a walker/runner) for the past 4-5 years, always just to support the cause and raise money for a disease I wanted gone. This year, I'm running (no walking) and I'm running for me. I'm going to run this year to show cancer that it can take away my boobs (and in the process, replacing them with much perkier ones) but it can't keep me down. Race for the Cure is my third official 5k I've committed to this spring, and I fully intend to run (and maybe even enjoy running) all of them. I have some running to do, and this back pain better get outta town so I can do it. Pronto!

Weekend Update

Ahhh March, you've arrived to mixed emotions. I'm thrilled that we're getting closer and closer to spring, yet this ruthless winter is proving it still has tricks up it's sleeves. The latest: parking restrictions in St. Paul and Minneapolis. Before we bought our house, we lived in a tiny little shoebox of an apartment in Uptown and I remember dealing with parking restrictions then, but it's been four years and we've grown pretty accustomed to parking right outside our house. Not anymore, at least, not until the ban is lifted (I've heard April 1?).

In back injury news, I had an MRI earlier this afternoon and expect the radiologist's summary to arrive to Dr. Howe by EOD Monday. Hopefully it'll be earlier than that and hopefully he'll call me right away when it arrives. I keep getting asked if I'm feeling better and I don't know what to say. Yes? The fact that I have to question it though, makes me feel like the answer should be a no. I'll have stints, where I'll get super involved in work or an episode of Breaking Bad, and forget about the pain, and then the moment I stand up and start moving around again, it hurts. I've run three times since Monday, and although it's excruciating, I can't help but wonder if it's maybe, just maybe, helping a little bit? Then I wonder if it's all in my head? All I know is that I've been having this pain for five weeks now, and I'm more than ready for it to be better!

I mentioned it a few weeks ago, but I hit my goal of having my design website online by the end of February! You can be among the first to check it out at www.schobercreative.com, and feel free to pass it on to your friends/family! The portfolio tab is kind of a jumbled mess right now but I'll eventually get around to organizing it a little better. Baby steps :)

Anyway, enjoy!

Nope

• Back pain = still here
• Running = back on (I'm not feeling any better laying around all the time, so I might as well get some cardio in right?) It hurts while I'm doing it, but after, I don't feel any better or worse than before I start.
• MRI = scheduled for Saturday afternoon
• Happy Cassie = looking at tropical vacation destinations

Could it Be?

I think my back pain is a degree less intense today, maybe... it is early in the day and I haven't done much that would aggravate it, but just maybe. Or maybe it's the fact that we had temps in the 40s yesterday and I swear the sun is getting up earlier and earlier (finally!), maybe my brain has moved on to concentrating on bigger and better things? Maybe it's my cold finally releasing the grip it has held on my sinuses the last 7 days?

I don't care what it is, but it should keep happening - I was starting to forget what it feels like to feel somewhat healthy!

I'm OK!

I totally meant to update immediately after my appointment on Friday, but the Schober's were in town and you know how it is when they're here - we stay busy nonstop! Anyway, the appointment with Dr. Howe went really well - he's not concerned that my pain is related to cancer at all. We talked about the side effects I've been having fromTamoxifen (all normal) and reviewed the blood work we took right before my appointment (hemoglobin levels are on the rise = very good). He didn't want to rush into an MRI and asked that I wait it out until the 24th before scheduling an appointment. After yesterday's chiropractor appointment, I'm not sure I'll be able to wait that long though. It feels like my muscles are in a super squeeze and are throbbing - basically a constant charley horse. I'm going to wait until Thursday and if things aren't improving, I'll try to get in.

I'm anxious for this pain to go away so I can get back to my gym routine - I'm going nuts not doing anything! I'll keep you updated!

Ouch

Thought I was finished with pain (and complaining about it) didn't you? Nope! A few weeks ago, in my quest to prove to myself that I'm physically back to normal, I did a boot camp class, followed by a TRX personal training session a few days later.

An example of one of the TRX exercises I did, except unlike the lady in the picture,
I was sweating like a beast, grunting, and making faces that would frighten children.

Since both were new to my body, I was understandably sore after each session. Once a few days had gone by, most of my aches had subsided, except for an area in my upper back, on the right side. I let it be for a few weeks, begging Jason for back rubs on a daily basis. Finally I decided to see a chiropractor, Dr. Kristin Schaffer. She's been doing some muscle stimulation and adjusting me every-other day for about a week and a half, and Monday she dropped a bomb on me. Because she's aware of my medical history, she brought up the fact that it was possible (but very unlikely) that my breast cancer metastasized to my ribs. I've heard worse news so I didn't immediately panic; we did an x-ray and sent it off to a radiologist for review.

My motto is that if you catch things early, they can be treated, so of course I made an appointment with Dr. Howe (my oncologist) as soon as I was able to on Tuesday morning. Yesterday afternoon I heard back from the radiologist who said they didn't see anything that they'd be concerned about, but c'mon. With everything I've gone through over the last 8 months, I don't think I'd be able to let this go until I get the green light from Dr. Howe. There has to be some reason for the pain I'm having (I'm rating it one step below expansions, to give you an idea of severity), and until we figure it out, we won't know how to make it go away.

I was a little on edge Monday evening (as you can imagine), but have since calmed a bit - I'm 90% sure I pushed myself too hard at the gym and as a result, gave myself an injury. We'll see what Dr. Howe says at my appointment Friday; until then, it's a nice rotation of heat and ice...

Sneak Peek

I know it's terrible to wish for the future (always be living in the present yada yada yada) but with the freezing winter we're having, the idea of being half-way through February right now is just magical. Spring is on its way and I cannot wait to open the windows in our house and get outside (which reminds me, I should spend some time researching flowers to plant out front). I saw a little sunshine this weekend and it instantly put me in a good mood - more please!

I haven't mentioned it here yet, but I've been working hard at getting an online portfolio/website up to showcase my stationery designs. This weekend I gathered up all of the proofs I've kept terribly disorganized and had a little photo shoot with them. I'm almost through with the stack and once I'm finished doing a little cleanup on the photos, I'll post them online to my new site (I'm keeping the URL secret until I can get them up; for now there's just a boring placeholder image). It's a lot of fun to see how my style has evolved over the last six years - I've worked with a wide range of people and I love to see my skills meshed with their personalities. Stay tuned, my goal is to have the site live by the end of the month!

A peek at my new cards - the site may carry a similar theme :)

Everything is still going great on the veggie-front; I'm happy to say that this first week without meat was successful! The Schober's are coming to town this weekend so I've been collecting recipes to try with them. Our typical biscuits and gravy breakfast will be replaced with crock pot apple cinnamon oatmeal - I'll start it before going to bed Thursday night and then we'll wake up to the delicious sweet aroma of baked apples on Friday morning (I'll post the recipe once I've done an official taste test)!

Happy Monday!

Stomach Ache

Well that's all folks. Meat, we've had our fun and now it's time to say goodbye (thank goodness!). Today I'm not feeling awesome - it's almost like I have a meat hangover from all of the snacks I had while watching the Superbowl last night. The "hangover" started almost immediately after I'd eaten my last mini meatball; the number one complaint being that I felt like a huge fatty. Even though I'd gone for a run yesterday morning, the fact that I'd just stuffed my face weighed heavily on my self esteem (see what I did there?). Next gripe: swollen fingers. I think all the salt from the snacks went straight to my fingers. I felt like a sausage in my own skin, just ready to burst open. So so gross. Trying to drink as much water today as possible so I can flush it out of my system. My stomach was OK last night, but today it's not happy with me. I'm bloated and am having some crazy grumbles. I was totally expecting to feel this way today, and it will serve as an excellent reminder if/when the craving for a cheeseburger strikes. Done done done.

I've never been so happy to eat a bowl of raw veggies for lunch.
I know it's not a composed meal, but it's the only thing I want right now!

The rest of the weekend was jam-packed. Friday we had a few friends over for dinner; after we ate we did a little prep for the gender reveal party we were throwing on Saturday for our friends Albert and Jacqueline (I'm withholding their real identities so I'm not responsible for spilling the beans about their exciting baby news). Before the reveal party started Saturday afternoon, I helped celebrate my sweet friend Christine at a lovely baby shower in her honor that morning.

Breaking news - the little lady Tine was carrying decided to make her debut 7 weeks early!
Shea Emma arrived late last night! I knew it'd be a girl!

Jason met me with our nephew Josh and his sister Cecilia at the reveal party, and from there, we took the kiddos to our place for popcorn and a movie. After finally getting them tucked in for the night, I was exhausted and fell asleep much earlier than anticipated. Good thing I did though; I heard the two chatting away at 6:15 yesterday morning. We all got up, had a little breakfast, then after my sister rounded up the kids I made my way to the gym. After a very quick shower, we went my sister Erin's house to file our taxes, then did a little laundry and made our way to my sister Rachel's for the Superbowl. Yowza...

And now on to the week ahead... Happy Monday everyone!

A To-Do List?! Yes Please!

Found this little ditty and thought it was a wonderful reminder of how to focus more on the important things we encounter each day. My favorite part is the to-do list (Does that really surprise anyone? I'm a slave to the to-do list!):

"Follow this daily to-do list and you’ll be just fine:

1. Think positively.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Exercise today.
4. Worry less.
5. Work hard.
6. Laugh often.
7. Sleep well.

Repeat…"

I know you might be thinking, "yeah, yeah, I see this inspirational crap on Pinterest every day" but really, when it all boils down, it's great advice! Trying my best to follow (and repeat) the short list from now on.

One Step Closer...

...to being a full-fledged vegetarian. We had two "meat days" this weekend and totally stuffed ourselves with chicken, beef and pepperoni (my favorite). I felt fine for the most part, but after eating the delicious cheese-stuffed burger I almost instantly felt sick. Maybe it was too much grease (Jason and I split a side of onion rings too), but maybe it was my stomach saying "no thanks" to the beef?  Who knows - we're back on a no-meat diet now until Sunday (which happens to be Superbowl Sunday), when we plan on saying au revoir to our favorite meat snacks. I'm feeling OK about it - like I've said to a few of my friends already, I don't really notice that we're not eating meat. I've also been getting oodles of recipes and advice from my vegetarian friends, so I think we'll be able to find yummy substitutes for our favorite foods that typically include meat.

...to eliminating night sweats. I attribute much of my success in this area to removing meat from my diet. I've been taking tamoxifen for almost six months now, and have had 4, maybe 5 nights of sleep where I didn't wake up once to a night sweat (In case you're wondering, night sweats are much worse than hot flashes; you wake up soaking, and even after changing in to dry jammies, you hop back into damp sheets. They're terribly unpleasant.). In the past week I've slept 4 or 5 nights all the way through. Do you know how wonderful it feels to have a full night of uninterrupted sleep?! Glorious - almost to the extent that I can hear angels sing as my alarm goes off each morning.

...to getting my sun-shiny, positive, cheerful self back. Yesterday I started taking a multivitamin that packs a Vitamin D punch. I'm confident it'll get my energy level back up and kick my Debby Downer attitude to the frozen curb. I'm also keeping up my gym habit; last week I signed up for a 5K in April and I'm determined to run the entire thing. It's 3.1 miles, I'm sure I can do it (plus, I have lots of time to work my way up)!

Blah

Technical Error #2: This was supposed to post yesterday afternoon. I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much more optimistic today :) Thank you exercise-induced endorphins!

Technical Error #1: Adding to my blah attitude (described below), I'd just written a B+ post that pin-pointed exactly how I'm feeling today, and then 1-2-3 it disappeared. Awesome.

Anyway (I'll try to re-create it before I forget), have you ever felt down, and not for any particular reason? That's me today. We've been getting bits and pieces of bad news from/about people we love (not life/death or cancer bad news, don't worry) and I'm getting to the point where my frustration is so strong I can feel it in my bones. It's affecting my personality and my typically-cheerful self isn't overcoming the feelings. As I write this, in my head I can hear Jason say "you can't focus on the negative things that are happening, think of all of the positives instead" (oh Jas, you're so wise). If only it were that easy.

"I'd look on the bright side... if I could find it." -Eeyore

I need sunshine or something; some vitamin D. I hate feeling this way, especially since I was beyond words to describe how happy I was to see 2013 go. This year was supposed to be 365 days of celebration, and not just waking up and being thankful I'm here either. I'm talking fireworks. We're here, we're young, we're healthy and we have so many great things ahead of us. Twenty-two days in and it feels like 2013 hasn't quite ended yet. 

Go away bad news, you jerk. You're ruining 2014.

Taking Care

I'm happy to report that our first attempt at cutting out meat was a success! We made some pretty tasty dishes Sunday through Wednesday this week and I hardly noticed that none of them included animal protein. I even ate out and was able to easily order some really delicious portobello mushroom fajitas. When we added meat back into our meals on Thursday (tacos), Jason was up with me during the night with a stomach ache (I was having one of my usual night sweats). I felt fine after eating meat Thurs/Fri, but after eating chicken tenders at our friend Andrew's birthday party on Saturday, I felt awful! I can't say if it was the chicken or the fact that they were fried, but it made me feel terrible (and happy to say buh-bye to them). Today we started day one of five days we're eating meatless so we'll see how this week goes!

In fitness-related news, I've been using the LT Bucks I earned for joining Lifetime Fitness over Black Friday to try out a few TEAM classes. For two weeks I was part of the TEAM Weightloss, and now I've moved on to TEAM Fitness. The fitness class is one level up in terms of difficulty, and instead of mostly cardio, we've been doing some serious weight lifting (my first attempt at kettle bells made me feel like an 80-year-old lady; I'm still nursing sore back muscles!). I like it, but my danceline background has me gravitating toward the cardio classes. I've also been back on the treadmill a few times slowly logging miles, and I'm pretty excited about how much I'm still looking forward to it. Yesterday my challenge was to do a 5K, which is something I've done many many times, but this time my goal was to run as much of it as possible and I don't think I did too bad. I wasn't really going for speed, but of course the faster you run, the faster you can be done. I finished nice and sweaty at 40:30, so with short stints of walking thrown in, I'm averaging a 13-minute mile. Certainly nothing to brag about, but it'll be interesting to see the improvement the more conditioned I get!

Finally, I had an appointment Thursday with Dr. Sanan, the surgeon who first discovered my cancerous lump. It's been about six months since I've seen him and ta daaaa - after examining me he determined there are no new lumps (not that I was expecting him to find any). Physically I've been feeling great and it's so great to have a confirmation from a professional. I also spent a little time with Lynnae, Carrie and Ali (the hospital's social worker) which was wonderful! They're all such great resources and care so much for their patients (me!). Ali's hooking me up with the oncology nutritionist to make sure I'm still getting enough nutrients now that we're modifying our diets. Once again I'm thanking my lucky stars I have them for my long term healing!

Natural remedies, here I come!

I Did This

As you may know, I've been hitting the gym quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. To get into shape? Sure! Because I finally can? Absolutely! I spent the better part of five months in pain, and when I wasn't in narcotic-zone pain, I was very uncomfortable. I'm finally back in my stride and am absolutely loving it! I look forward to lifting weights for an hour, and get this: yesterday I woke up at 6:30am and challenged myself to run a mile (I did, and then almost one more too!). I'm becoming addicted, and I kind of love it.

So now that I'm moving my booty again, I thought it'd be a good idea to take an overview at how I'm eating. I definitely ate my (and 4 others') fair share of cookies, treats and snacks (ones you just know are so naughty you better just avoid) over the holiday season and it's left me feeling gross (and flashing like no other - no really, I can't stop). Jason's been tugging at my sleeve trying to get me to watch Forks Over Knives for a few months now, so I finally sat down last weekend and watched it. No joke, the movie changed my life. It slapped me hard with the reality that it's very likely I contributed in giving myself cancer based solely on the food I've been shoving into my mouth for 29 years.

Basically the movie "examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods." Both of my parents were raised on farms so it was natural for them to feed me good ole meat and potatoes with a glass of milk as a typical dinner. I have friends who are vegetarian and while I always admired their willpower and compassion, I never thought I'd be interested, even in educating myself about it.

It's all different now; I'm taking a good hard look at what I eat and have decided to try eliminating animal-based and processed foods. If not eliminate all together, severely cut down my intake. Jason's on board with this too, so we've decided to do a little tapering. First is meat. We're going 4 days this week without consuming meat; next week we'll try 5 days, then the following 6 and eventually all 7. After that will be the hard part: dairy. I eat a yogurt for breakfast every day, and Jason can polish off a gallon of milk in no time. Have I mentioned he's from WI, the land of cheese? The tapering for dairy might take a bit longer, but that's ok. At least we're trying!

Forward Thinking

It's finally here! I said goodbye to 2013 with a quick tear and welcomed 2014 last night surrounded by people I love (and then strangers in a conga line). I started this year already breaking one of my resolutions (to swear less; I lasted until about 10:30 this morning...), but it's ok. The beauty about resolutions are that if you mess up, you can start over again right away.

This past year has certainly put things into perspective for me. We said goodbye to Jason's sweet grandpa George, to my beautiful stepsister Margie and her daughter-to-be Olivia, and to Jerry, a long-time friend of Jason's family. My mom and stepdad sold the house I grew up in and moved to Texas. Breast cancer happened. We had to sit through a very painful two weeks in a courtroom. It was the longest 365 days I've ever known. Definitely challenging by comparison to the years I've had before it.

So, where there are valleys, there are hills, and I truly believe that 2014 will be the hill (a steep one so I'll get in shape along the way) that I'll use to climb out of this valley of sadness. How's that for a metaphor? There are so many things to look forward to this year. Weddings, babies, new challenges in my fitness, career and personal life. All of it will slowly remind me of what the "easy" years feel like, and I'll appreciate each day more because of what 2013 showed me.

I hope to end this upcoming year in a better place than I am today, even if today I'm better than I was on this day last year. It's all about evolving to become me at my best. Hello 2014, let's see what you have in store.