Tamoxifen

One year down, four to go. #cantheflashesgoawayalready?

Full of Excuses

That's me, for not writing in what seems like forever! Let's see, what have I been up to?

• My mom and stepdad were in town right after Mother's Day, so we had them and my brother Adam over for a dinner with lots of debate on whether prayer should be allowed in schools (apparently wine not only brings on the hot flashes, but also the political debates with my Republican mother...). NO idea how we got on that topic, but I'm happy to say we ended the conversation and still love each other :)
• I had another LOLTC meeting - have I gone into this yet? I'm a volunteer on the planning committee for an event hosted by Gillette Children's Hospital called LOLTC (Laugh Out Loud Twin Cities). The event is in late September and we'll be having the one and only David Spade as our entertainment! We're still early in the process, but if you know of a business that'd be willing to donate gift cards, golf outings, vacations etc, please let me know! 
• I've still been seeing the physical therapist for my pesky back muscle; and thankfully I think it's on the way out. I'm still icing it every night, and it's pretty flared up after I run, but on occasion, I feel like I'm not noticing it anymore, which must mean it's getting better right?
• I had a Breast Cancer Patient Advisory Committee meeting, which, as always, reminds me of how thankful I am for the doctors and nurses I got to work with during my biopsy, diagnosis, surgeries and recovery. Not everyone is so lucky; I feel like I got the best of it all!
• My BFF from preschool, Maeghen, was in town from MA for her parent's 30th wedding anniversary, so we got to hang out a bit while she was here on a 3-day stay. It was lovely catching up with her and her two sisters; can't wait until October when the middle of the three girls (Alexis) gets married!
• We kicked off wedding season by celebrating our friends Paul and Will in a lovely ceremony and reception right here in St. Paul. The happiness that beamed out of their smiles was tremendous - it's not often you see true love like this (and they had a penguin at their reception - best entertainment ever!)!
• Jason and I just enjoyed a few days visiting friends in Rice Lake, WI over Memorial Day weekend. They recently bought their first house and it was so nice catching up and breaking it in! We came home a day early to have a grill out of our own, and so I could spend some time finishing up the paint job I started in our dining room (to fix damage from a polar vortex ice dam). It's getting there, just need to move the furniture back and we can call it done! 

Aaaaand that's just the past two weeks. Throw in a few of Jason's softball games, some yard work  (my seedlings are completely duds by the way), trips to the gym, and an episode of Breaking Bad here and there and I'd say my time is all used up :)

Bring it on summer (and sorry, I have photos for a few of the events above but I'm having issues with my Apple ID/iPhoto streaming...maybe next time)!

I Did This

As you may know, I've been hitting the gym quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. To get into shape? Sure! Because I finally can? Absolutely! I spent the better part of five months in pain, and when I wasn't in narcotic-zone pain, I was very uncomfortable. I'm finally back in my stride and am absolutely loving it! I look forward to lifting weights for an hour, and get this: yesterday I woke up at 6:30am and challenged myself to run a mile (I did, and then almost one more too!). I'm becoming addicted, and I kind of love it.

So now that I'm moving my booty again, I thought it'd be a good idea to take an overview at how I'm eating. I definitely ate my (and 4 others') fair share of cookies, treats and snacks (ones you just know are so naughty you better just avoid) over the holiday season and it's left me feeling gross (and flashing like no other - no really, I can't stop). Jason's been tugging at my sleeve trying to get me to watch Forks Over Knives for a few months now, so I finally sat down last weekend and watched it. No joke, the movie changed my life. It slapped me hard with the reality that it's very likely I contributed in giving myself cancer based solely on the food I've been shoving into my mouth for 29 years.

Basically the movie "examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods." Both of my parents were raised on farms so it was natural for them to feed me good ole meat and potatoes with a glass of milk as a typical dinner. I have friends who are vegetarian and while I always admired their willpower and compassion, I never thought I'd be interested, even in educating myself about it.

It's all different now; I'm taking a good hard look at what I eat and have decided to try eliminating animal-based and processed foods. If not eliminate all together, severely cut down my intake. Jason's on board with this too, so we've decided to do a little tapering. First is meat. We're going 4 days this week without consuming meat; next week we'll try 5 days, then the following 6 and eventually all 7. After that will be the hard part: dairy. I eat a yogurt for breakfast every day, and Jason can polish off a gallon of milk in no time. Have I mentioned he's from WI, the land of cheese? The tapering for dairy might take a bit longer, but that's ok. At least we're trying!

Thankful

Tis the season to shop, eat, be with friends and family, but most of all: be thankful.  I'm usually pretty aware of the things I have in my life that others may not.  I was lucky enough to be born into a very loving family, in a country that, among its shortcomings, offers a relatively safe and comfortable place to live and be a young, working woman.  I get to vote, choose who I marry (hey there, Jas), and at the end of the day, have the peace of mind that I don't have to worry about where my next glass of clean water is coming from, or how to cure my hunger pains. I live a pretty cushy life.

In the past I've completely taken my health and body for granted.  After my scare with breast cancer, I have a whole new level of respect (and thanks) for my physical and mental health.  I, unlike many other survivors, don't wake up every morning with my first thought being "I had cancer." Even when I'm flashing, I don't think "I'm hot because of the Tamoxifen, and I'm taking Tamoxifen because I had cancer." I don't think "cancer" when I stretch the muscles in my chest/arms or accidentally run into something because I don't have feeling in my boobs (it happens more than I'm happy to admit).  When I do think about it, it still seems a little too crazy to comprehend.  Like it was all a terrible dream, except I have the scars to prove that it wasn't (maybe I should seek therapy?!).

I'll never ever forget the fact that I had cancer, but I think it's time for me to move past it.  I'm beyond happy to talk about my experiences if anyone asks; however, I feel that dedicating this blog to cancer is facing it in the wrong direction.  I need to write about living life despite having cancer, to give others hope that they too can overcome the hurdles and come out the other side healthy, cancer-free, and yes, even thankful for the experience. 

I plan to continue to update you fine folks of any support group meetings, doctor appointments, or general aches and pains I have (if I have to deal with it, you're going to know about it), but I'll also be writing about other things going on in my life.  If that means I lose readers (all three of you), I want to thank you for sticking with me over the last five months.  I hope I was able to raise the awareness you have about your personal breast health (health in general!), or encourage you to spread the word about early mammograms.  It's never too early to detect and start treating breast cancer! 

Many thanks; I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
Cassie

Flashing

I know I've written about this before and it probably sounds like I'm complaining, but keeping in mind the fact that I'm hoping to help others, I'm writing this for more for educational purposes (I just love how I justify my complaining ha!).

I think the tamoxifen has finally kicked into high gear; the hot flashes have gotten a bit better (or is it the major drop in temperatures we've had the past week?) and my periods have been further spread out than usual.  I'm so happy the flashes have gotten better on their own; my oncologist had suggested I try an anti-depressant to keep them under control, and I politely declined. Not the right option for me - I'm not a fan of covering up side effects with another drug that could give me more/worse side effects. I still have them, just not as frequently and they're not as intense.

It's a good thing too, because when they're bad, all I can do to keep my sanity is stop what I'm doing, roll up my sleeves and pants, take off my shoes, and fan myself with something.  I'm sure my co-workers think I'm nuts, but it makes them tolerable.  Once the flash is over, I get a sweet case of the chills from my body trying to balance out the change in temperature.

I should be assigned my own weatherman, sheesh! Mantra: having flashes is better than having cancer. Repeat 400 times.

NBD: 14 days away!

Go Mode

After having my final, yes final, expansion on Thursday last week, I met with Dr. Howe on Friday morning to discuss how the tamoxifen is going.  I'm having the very typical side effects: hot flashes and night sweats (hot) so nothing to be too concerned about.  He was so impressed with my blood work that he told me I could officially tell people that I'm cancer free.  Did you hear that!?  Cancer FREE!  Gone, zip!  Of course as I was finally finishing my last thank you notes yesterday, (writing it in every single one) I couldn't help but wonder if I'm totally jinxing myself by celebrating and blabbing to everyone about it.  On the other hand, I think I deserve the bragging rights - it's the best news I've had all summer!

Bringing me to my next topic: my energy level.  I don't know if it was the great news on Friday or the fact that I got some heavy duty relaxing in this weekend, but I've been like the energizer bunny lately!  I've been working out and kicking butt on annoying little house projects I've been putting off.  I've even been able to squeeze an episode of Orange is the New Black once a night (one more episode left... dreading the end of that hour, Season 2 needs to be available pronto!).

Loving and living life; only 58 days until New Boobs Day :) We finally broke the two-month barrier people!!

Support Group

Yesterday afternoon I met with the breast cancer support group that Lynnae and Carrie (my two angels from the pre-surgery days) host once a month.  The topic was nutrition, and so fitting too because I've been doing some pretty hefty research on combating hot flashes.  I was, as expected, the youngest in the group of a dozen women, and we had a great conversation about soy, ground flax seed, and a plant-based diet.  I'm pumped to try a few things and see how they affect the side effects!

Tomorrow I have one more (I won't say last this time, I might change my mind again) expansion.  I know, I know, I thought I was going to be done too. I'm liking the size I'm at right now and Dr. Heinrich wants me to over-expand so she has room to work with.  My lovely sister Rachel is chauffeuring me to my appointment and I'm excited for her to meet the wonderful staff at the clinic I go to.

Total side note: I'm super sore from 1) dancing my booty off at the wedding over the weekend and 2) playing kickball last night.  Not as ready to jump into activity as I thought :(

More later this week - this gal is exhausted!

Dance Dance Dance

Have I mentioned how hot it's been this summer?  Yes?  Sorry - it's seriously scorching and making me completely regret taking central air off of my "absolutely must have" list when we were searching for and buying our house.  Next time AC, next time.

We celebrated my oldest friend Maeghen yesterday as she married a very cool and sweet guy, Reid at their gorgeous backyard wedding.  She was stunning, the guests were some of my favorite people, and we danced the night away.  That's right - I danced.  For a very long time.  I jumped, twisted and shook my booty and the fact that I had major surgery 8.5 weeks ago didn't cross my mind once.  I had the best time and felt 100% like myself again!  SUCH a great feeling!

Jason and I; the Maeghen and I; and the newly-weds Maeghen & Reid

I wasn't in any pain last night, just a little sore this morning.  Best part about the wedding (in a me-centered, selfish manner): I proved to myself that my fears of exercising are nothing to worry about.  If I can jump up and down for hours at a time, I think that I'm totally capable of getting back into an active life.  What perfect timing too; we have our first kickball game on Tuesday!  Can't wait!

Hot Hot Hot!

Going to make this short and sweet since I'm in a bit of pain and my head is spinning!  I had my sixth and final expansion this morning!  Woo hoooo!  So very exciting :) No more weekly appointments and days of nausea from the pain meds.  All I have to do is wait wait wait (patiently, of course) for New Boobs Day to roll around (76 days) and I'll be on my way to my new old self.

I was right about the hot flashes last week; they've officially begun.  It's been quite a hot and humid week so it's not helping, and I've been waking up 3-4 times a night overheating and uncomfortable.  I'm exhausted!  I'll try to roll over on my stomach (no way, ouch!) or side, (again, ouch) to air out my back but that hasn't been seeming to work all that well. I'm keeping on with the flax seed though; I know it'll kick in one of these days and it won't be so bad anymore.  I'm meeting with my oncologist in two weeks to check in on how the Tamoxifen is going, and I have a list of vitamins that are supposed to help the flashes that I'm going to run by him.  Until then, it's a hot child in the city!

TGIF

I've survived my first week back in the office.  Of course, it wasn't a full week there, just 3 days, but it's a start!  I also have some pretty exciting news: New Boobs Day is officially happening on Wednesday, November 6th (only 82 days!).  I can't wait to get these rock-hard, uneven, armpit-bags outta here and some pretty new softies put in.  I don't even care that I'll have to go through more pain; it'll just bring me one step closer to feeling normal again! I've been told that this surgery is much easier than the one I had in June; I won't have any overnights in the hospital and I'll be back to work in the office within days of the operation.  Awesome!  I'll have (I do already!) so much to be grateful for at Thanksgiving!

My expansion yesterday went really well - getting a needle through a bruise didn't hurt as badly as I imagined it would, and I'm slightly less sore this week than I remember being last week. The ride to WI last night went fine too.  Something's up today though; I feel nauseous and have a slight headache.  I took the same dosage of pain meds I've been taking during the last couple expansions, but I have a feeling they have something to do with how I'm feeling.  I'm considering not keeping up with them today - I'd rather deal with the pain on it's own than this sick feeling I have right now. 
 

View from the passenger seat: a hot air balloon just as we got into Wisconsin.

I also think that the hot flashes have started (of course, it's a beautiful 75 and sunny right now, so that might have something to do with it).  They're nothing terrible, but I'll get super hot and take off the tshirt or sweatshirt I'm wearing, then I'll get super cold and have to put everything back on.  It's happening maybe once an hour, and I don't think they're intense as I imagined they'd be.  If this is it, I'll totally be able to handle it for the next 5 years.  I've been adding ground flax seed (thank you Joelle!) to my food and my mother-in-law Barbie just suggested incorporating more soy into my diet to minimize the flashes.  I'm totally up for trying any natural remedies, especially if they're healthy in other aspects too!