Update

So I didn't initially want to divulge information about a third surgery I had in September (maybe I felt a little vain?), but it's part of my journey and I think it's important that it's included with my story. The surgery was "minor" compared to the other two I'd previously had, however I think it came in as 2nd on the pain scale. Dr. Heinrich (still an amazing surgeon) did a little bit of scar revision and fat grafting (gross, right?), where she sucked fat (not nearly enough in my opinion) from my stomach and hips and flushed it around my implants to give them a softer, more balanced look. I'm extremely pleased with the results, and am SO ready to be done with procedures! No more!

The oncologist I'd been meeting with since day 1 left the health system that my insurance covers, so I met with a new oncologist, Dr. Murphy. She specializes in young women who are diagnosed with breast cancer, and immediately I noticed a difference between the two. She brought up the family aspect (we'd wanted to start ours just before I was diagnosed) and offered to revisit starting one sooner than later (not yet though). I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet - going off tamoxifen is terrifying, especially if the goal is pregnancy which would give me an overload of hormones, but it was beyond nice to hear a doctor who actually looked at it from my perspective instead of immediately jumping into statistics.

Jason and I did the Making Strides walk again this year (in October) and I'm happy to say we raised just under $1,000 for the cause thanks to my family and friends. Feels great to be part of an event that is bigger than just my experience!

That's all (for now)!
Cassie

One Year Later

And just like that, an entire year has passed. Today, one year ago (at approximately 2pm), I got the call no one ever wants to get. My breast cancer diagnosis was the switch that flipped my life completely upside down for 6 months, revealing in the process anxiety and pain, extreme love and support, and a sense of strength I never knew I had in me (cue eyes tearing up).

To mark this occasion (and the many 1st-year-anniversaries coming up), I've gone back to the very beginning of this blog to reflect. A quick recap of the first six months: I'd go from writing posts like this:

"It’s a lot harder to be confident and strong and positive when you’re alone and it’s quiet and dark." 

...to starting the next one with "I'm feeling awesome!" Cancer's such a sucky, terrifying, no-seatbelts-and-upsidedown-loops roller coaster.

And now, the end.

I wrote the blog to remind the future me of all that I went through during the process of beating breast cancer. To remind myself (in case I don't glance at the scars, or have a dozen hot flashes each day) that it did in fact happen, and that I made it out alive. It's served as a place for me to jot down the feelings/fears I couldn't express out loud, a message board for my family and friends, and hopefully, as a source of inspiration for others who have heard the three dreaded words "you have cancer."

Now that my year with cancer is wrapping up (aside from occasional check-up appointments and taking tamoxifen, there's very little in my life that deals with it on a daily basis), I'm struggling to find content worthy of posting. I'm a boring person that went through something thousands of others go through; that doesn't make me interesting. Jotting down notes about what happens in my daily life isn't beneficial to anyone (and I think it comes across as a little narcissistic).

That being said, I also get a little stressed seeing "Post to blog" come up on my to-do list every couple of days. No one needs unnecessary stress, especially when life right now is so much fun. And especially when the remedy is so simple: to stop stressing about writing on this blog. I told myself at the beginning that I'd never let it get to this place where the content had nothing to do with breast cancer or my journey, and now that it's here, I think the only thing left to say is "goodbye."

I'm deleting the reminder on my phone (and finally, the alarms I created to remind me to take my different pain meds every 4, 6 and 8 hours - no clue why that took a year to do?!), and won't stress (at least, not about this) any more. If something at an appointment comes up, I may revisit just to jot it down, but no more of this bi-weekly "sorry I haven't written" nonsense.

Thank your for your continued support, your daily/weekly/monthly visits to this place where I've been spilling my guts for a year, and most of all, your love and friendship. I couldn't have made it through the experience without you!

Cass

Looking Back

Today marks the 1-year anniversary of my step-sister Margie's death. My motto is that looking forward is best, while on the same coin, it's important to remember what has happened in the past (and not dwell on it). The past makes us who we are today and without certain events, we wouldn't have gotten to where we are now. So today I'm trying hard not to recall the events that happened that day last year, but rather trying to take a moment to remember how beautiful she was, or the sound of her contagious laugh. I'm thinking about what kind of mother she would've been, and how wonderful it would've been to have another niece to love.

It's crazy how things that happened a year ago can seem as fresh as yesterday, while at the same time feeling like they occurred a lifetime ago!

Stomach Ache

Well that's all folks. Meat, we've had our fun and now it's time to say goodbye (thank goodness!). Today I'm not feeling awesome - it's almost like I have a meat hangover from all of the snacks I had while watching the Superbowl last night. The "hangover" started almost immediately after I'd eaten my last mini meatball; the number one complaint being that I felt like a huge fatty. Even though I'd gone for a run yesterday morning, the fact that I'd just stuffed my face weighed heavily on my self esteem (see what I did there?). Next gripe: swollen fingers. I think all the salt from the snacks went straight to my fingers. I felt like a sausage in my own skin, just ready to burst open. So so gross. Trying to drink as much water today as possible so I can flush it out of my system. My stomach was OK last night, but today it's not happy with me. I'm bloated and am having some crazy grumbles. I was totally expecting to feel this way today, and it will serve as an excellent reminder if/when the craving for a cheeseburger strikes. Done done done.

I've never been so happy to eat a bowl of raw veggies for lunch.
I know it's not a composed meal, but it's the only thing I want right now!

The rest of the weekend was jam-packed. Friday we had a few friends over for dinner; after we ate we did a little prep for the gender reveal party we were throwing on Saturday for our friends Albert and Jacqueline (I'm withholding their real identities so I'm not responsible for spilling the beans about their exciting baby news). Before the reveal party started Saturday afternoon, I helped celebrate my sweet friend Christine at a lovely baby shower in her honor that morning.

Breaking news - the little lady Tine was carrying decided to make her debut 7 weeks early!
Shea Emma arrived late last night! I knew it'd be a girl!

Jason met me with our nephew Josh and his sister Cecilia at the reveal party, and from there, we took the kiddos to our place for popcorn and a movie. After finally getting them tucked in for the night, I was exhausted and fell asleep much earlier than anticipated. Good thing I did though; I heard the two chatting away at 6:15 yesterday morning. We all got up, had a little breakfast, then after my sister rounded up the kids I made my way to the gym. After a very quick shower, we went my sister Erin's house to file our taxes, then did a little laundry and made our way to my sister Rachel's for the Superbowl. Yowza...

And now on to the week ahead... Happy Monday everyone!

Thankful

Tis the season to shop, eat, be with friends and family, but most of all: be thankful.  I'm usually pretty aware of the things I have in my life that others may not.  I was lucky enough to be born into a very loving family, in a country that, among its shortcomings, offers a relatively safe and comfortable place to live and be a young, working woman.  I get to vote, choose who I marry (hey there, Jas), and at the end of the day, have the peace of mind that I don't have to worry about where my next glass of clean water is coming from, or how to cure my hunger pains. I live a pretty cushy life.

In the past I've completely taken my health and body for granted.  After my scare with breast cancer, I have a whole new level of respect (and thanks) for my physical and mental health.  I, unlike many other survivors, don't wake up every morning with my first thought being "I had cancer." Even when I'm flashing, I don't think "I'm hot because of the Tamoxifen, and I'm taking Tamoxifen because I had cancer." I don't think "cancer" when I stretch the muscles in my chest/arms or accidentally run into something because I don't have feeling in my boobs (it happens more than I'm happy to admit).  When I do think about it, it still seems a little too crazy to comprehend.  Like it was all a terrible dream, except I have the scars to prove that it wasn't (maybe I should seek therapy?!).

I'll never ever forget the fact that I had cancer, but I think it's time for me to move past it.  I'm beyond happy to talk about my experiences if anyone asks; however, I feel that dedicating this blog to cancer is facing it in the wrong direction.  I need to write about living life despite having cancer, to give others hope that they too can overcome the hurdles and come out the other side healthy, cancer-free, and yes, even thankful for the experience. 

I plan to continue to update you fine folks of any support group meetings, doctor appointments, or general aches and pains I have (if I have to deal with it, you're going to know about it), but I'll also be writing about other things going on in my life.  If that means I lose readers (all three of you), I want to thank you for sticking with me over the last five months.  I hope I was able to raise the awareness you have about your personal breast health (health in general!), or encourage you to spread the word about early mammograms.  It's never too early to detect and start treating breast cancer! 

Many thanks; I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
Cassie

Huge Success!

Yesterday a team of 12 awesome friends and family joined me in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk.  It was a gorgeous, crisp fall day and the event had a great turn out! 

Here's a general breakdown on how much money was raised:

• Personal Fundraising: $1,160
• Team Fundraising: $1,950 (plus the contributions of three new team members who joined the day of)
• Total raised by the 1,492 participants: $187,058

It's crazy how generous people are, and it's so great to know that the money is going to such a good cause.  Here are a couple snapshots taken from Julie (thank goodness she was on top of it because I certainly wasn't!):

Top: Team Schober! 
Bottom, left to right: my sister Erin and I; Jason's sticker; Julie (the photographer) and I

Great way to start a Saturday :)

NBD Countdown: 24 days!

Weekend Wrap-Up

I know I rave and rave about how amazing my support system is (I know that I'm a very lucky girl) but I just can't stop when they've helped my Making Strides Against Breast Cancer team raise $1,270!  Wonderful job everyone!

I know I kind of left a teaser about my BRCA1 and BRCA2 test results (sorry!); they came back negative, which means the reason I got cancer was just the luck of the draw.  While it's a little unsettling to not have a definite answer why, it's wonderful to know that the women in my family are "safe" (I use quotes because they could be "lucky" and get random cancer too (knocking on wood that it never happens)) and I get a little peace of mind knowing that my risk of ovarian cancer isn't elevated.  It is what it is I guess; there's another gene test we can do, but it opens the Pandora's box of diseases I'd be susceptible to (they're diseases we can't watch for or prevent), and I'm not sure I want to carry that knowledge around every day.

Ashley made a great point that technology in this area of medicine is developing so quickly that it's not impossible there's another breast cancer-causing gene out there that no one has discovered yet.

Anyway, I hate to come back to this because it's probably so boring to read about, but I'm still having some pretty intense muscle pain.  The exercises my PT showed me a few weeks ago definitely stretch the muscles, but they're not taking away any of the pain/tightness.  I even went as far as calling my surgeon's office Friday afternoon to see if it's normal to feel this way.  Bad news: it is.  Good news: the nurse assured me I'd feel much better after New Boobs Day (31 days!).  I'm going to bench myself for the remaining 3 kickball games we have and really try to watch what I'm lifting, drink a ton of water, and continue stretching.  I can handle 31 days!

It's October!

I have to start out by saying how awesome my family, friends and coworkers are!  In less than a week we've blown past my initial fundraising goal of $250 and are sitting at $495 with 11 days to go!!  That's $5 short of half of the team goal of $1,000 I set! Your generosity is fantastic - keep spreading the word!

I attended my second breast cancer support group this afternoon, and I have to admit it was kind of a downer compared to the nutrition/fitness conversation we had last month.  Some of the ladies are having a really tough time and it makes me thankful that I have the love of so many people to help me get through everything. 

One thing that stuck with me (maybe it's because I'm new to being part of the breast cancer club) was that one of the group members said she has a hard time every October during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Everyone is so focused on it and somehow everything turns pink, and she has a hard time with the constant reminder of her experience.  I guess I never looked at it that way, but I get her point of view.  I feel like it's a month for people to be more active for the cause, donate a little and maybe reach out and help someone who may be battling the disease. 

As I left the meeting, I noticed I had a message from Ashley (my gene counselor) at the Breast Center.  (I was in the Breast Cancer suite when she called me - wish I would've bumped into her!)  She left a message saying she has "good news" and that I should call her when I can.  It was already after hours so I'll call her back tomorrow, but I'm trying to decide what her good news is.  Here's how I see it:

1. I have a mutated BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene that caused me to have breast cancer.  In this scenario, I can have my mom and/or dad get tested and from there, alert my other family members.  I can also, after having kids, choose to have a hysterectomy and/or oopherectomy, which would eliminate my risk of ovarian cancer.  Get rid of it!
2. I don't have the mutation, and we have no idea why I got breast cancer.

Not sure which of the two scenarios I'd prefer!  I guess there are positives and negatives of both, but I wouldn't necessarily call either good!  Cancer is cancer.

New Boobs Day Countdown: 36 days!

Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma madness

I promise I haven't forgotten to update, we've just been crazy busy and have a few more weeks of the madness before things slow down! 

Not much to report on the cancer side of things; I've been waking up sore every day so that's fun. The muscles in my chest and arms have been really tight and I've been trying to stretch as much as possible.  I think sleeping in my in-law's guest bed over the weekend, long jaunts in the car, short walk/runs, and playing kickball are all playing a part in the soreness.  I'm just overall not being very cautious with my body anymore and I think it's telling me to slow down.  Who has time to slow down though, when there's so much fun to be had? 

We got home Sunday night from a great weekend in WI!  We spent time with Jason's parents, cousins and aunt, went to Lauren's (one of the two cousins we saw) bridal shower, and to the Packer's (GO PACK!) v. Redskins game on Sunday with our good friends Andrew, Joelle, Robin and Emily.  It was a packed (see what I did right there?) weekend with little sleep, loads of fun and awesome memories made.

The girls and I dancing with the Tundra Line at Lambeau Field and some snapshots from the game.  We're super excited about our cool new Packer's sunglasses :)

Let the craziness continue (oh, and only 50 days until NBD)!