Ouch

Thought I was finished with pain (and complaining about it) didn't you? Nope! A few weeks ago, in my quest to prove to myself that I'm physically back to normal, I did a boot camp class, followed by a TRX personal training session a few days later.

An example of one of the TRX exercises I did, except unlike the lady in the picture,
I was sweating like a beast, grunting, and making faces that would frighten children.

Since both were new to my body, I was understandably sore after each session. Once a few days had gone by, most of my aches had subsided, except for an area in my upper back, on the right side. I let it be for a few weeks, begging Jason for back rubs on a daily basis. Finally I decided to see a chiropractor, Dr. Kristin Schaffer. She's been doing some muscle stimulation and adjusting me every-other day for about a week and a half, and Monday she dropped a bomb on me. Because she's aware of my medical history, she brought up the fact that it was possible (but very unlikely) that my breast cancer metastasized to my ribs. I've heard worse news so I didn't immediately panic; we did an x-ray and sent it off to a radiologist for review.

My motto is that if you catch things early, they can be treated, so of course I made an appointment with Dr. Howe (my oncologist) as soon as I was able to on Tuesday morning. Yesterday afternoon I heard back from the radiologist who said they didn't see anything that they'd be concerned about, but c'mon. With everything I've gone through over the last 8 months, I don't think I'd be able to let this go until I get the green light from Dr. Howe. There has to be some reason for the pain I'm having (I'm rating it one step below expansions, to give you an idea of severity), and until we figure it out, we won't know how to make it go away.

I was a little on edge Monday evening (as you can imagine), but have since calmed a bit - I'm 90% sure I pushed myself too hard at the gym and as a result, gave myself an injury. We'll see what Dr. Howe says at my appointment Friday; until then, it's a nice rotation of heat and ice...

Taking Care

I'm happy to report that our first attempt at cutting out meat was a success! We made some pretty tasty dishes Sunday through Wednesday this week and I hardly noticed that none of them included animal protein. I even ate out and was able to easily order some really delicious portobello mushroom fajitas. When we added meat back into our meals on Thursday (tacos), Jason was up with me during the night with a stomach ache (I was having one of my usual night sweats). I felt fine after eating meat Thurs/Fri, but after eating chicken tenders at our friend Andrew's birthday party on Saturday, I felt awful! I can't say if it was the chicken or the fact that they were fried, but it made me feel terrible (and happy to say buh-bye to them). Today we started day one of five days we're eating meatless so we'll see how this week goes!

In fitness-related news, I've been using the LT Bucks I earned for joining Lifetime Fitness over Black Friday to try out a few TEAM classes. For two weeks I was part of the TEAM Weightloss, and now I've moved on to TEAM Fitness. The fitness class is one level up in terms of difficulty, and instead of mostly cardio, we've been doing some serious weight lifting (my first attempt at kettle bells made me feel like an 80-year-old lady; I'm still nursing sore back muscles!). I like it, but my danceline background has me gravitating toward the cardio classes. I've also been back on the treadmill a few times slowly logging miles, and I'm pretty excited about how much I'm still looking forward to it. Yesterday my challenge was to do a 5K, which is something I've done many many times, but this time my goal was to run as much of it as possible and I don't think I did too bad. I wasn't really going for speed, but of course the faster you run, the faster you can be done. I finished nice and sweaty at 40:30, so with short stints of walking thrown in, I'm averaging a 13-minute mile. Certainly nothing to brag about, but it'll be interesting to see the improvement the more conditioned I get!

Finally, I had an appointment Thursday with Dr. Sanan, the surgeon who first discovered my cancerous lump. It's been about six months since I've seen him and ta daaaa - after examining me he determined there are no new lumps (not that I was expecting him to find any). Physically I've been feeling great and it's so great to have a confirmation from a professional. I also spent a little time with Lynnae, Carrie and Ali (the hospital's social worker) which was wonderful! They're all such great resources and care so much for their patients (me!). Ali's hooking me up with the oncology nutritionist to make sure I'm still getting enough nutrients now that we're modifying our diets. Once again I'm thanking my lucky stars I have them for my long term healing!

Natural remedies, here I come!

Post-Op

I made it through; surgery Wednesday morning went fine (although we started an hour late; drivers in MN always forget how to drive on the day of the first snow, and Dr. Heinrich was stuck behind a few accidents on her way in). I woke up after the surgery super fast, ate a few graham crackers and I was on my way home. Jason got me set up in bed and I happily slept my way through the afternoon/early evening. My sister Rachel stopped by later in the evening and we chatted for awhile, and I was back to bed around 10:00.

With all of the excitement over the past days, weeks, months leading up to Wednesday, I'd neglected to really imagine what these first couple days with my new boobs would be like. I'd envisioned beautiful, perky new boobs that look great no matter what I'm wearing. When I finally got the "go" to remove the dressing yesterday, I had quite the reality check: they're swollen, still marked-up from the morning of the surgery (even after taking a shower), and are looking a little lumpy.  They're much softer than the tissue expanders, but I almost prefer how they looked Tuesday to what they look like now :(

I'm trying really really hard to remind myself that the swelling is expected to last a few weeks; that somehow, under the "mess" I'm seeing, there's a very nice set of reconstructed breasts. I'm on the same meds as I was on for surgery #1, which means about 30-45 minutes of awake time to 3-4 hours of sleeping.  I'm not sleeping through the night, and not because of the pain, but because I think my body is just done being rested.

I had a lovely parade of visitors yesterday and I felt great (although drugged) to be in their company again, but now today I'm feeling emotional; sad that things aren't looking the way I'd imagined.  I don't want to do another surgery, but then I don't want to look like this for the rest of my life either. Keeping ice packs near me non-stop; I'm determined to minimize this swelling sooner than later.

Weekend Wrap-Up

I know I rave and rave about how amazing my support system is (I know that I'm a very lucky girl) but I just can't stop when they've helped my Making Strides Against Breast Cancer team raise $1,270!  Wonderful job everyone!

I know I kind of left a teaser about my BRCA1 and BRCA2 test results (sorry!); they came back negative, which means the reason I got cancer was just the luck of the draw.  While it's a little unsettling to not have a definite answer why, it's wonderful to know that the women in my family are "safe" (I use quotes because they could be "lucky" and get random cancer too (knocking on wood that it never happens)) and I get a little peace of mind knowing that my risk of ovarian cancer isn't elevated.  It is what it is I guess; there's another gene test we can do, but it opens the Pandora's box of diseases I'd be susceptible to (they're diseases we can't watch for or prevent), and I'm not sure I want to carry that knowledge around every day.

Ashley made a great point that technology in this area of medicine is developing so quickly that it's not impossible there's another breast cancer-causing gene out there that no one has discovered yet.

Anyway, I hate to come back to this because it's probably so boring to read about, but I'm still having some pretty intense muscle pain.  The exercises my PT showed me a few weeks ago definitely stretch the muscles, but they're not taking away any of the pain/tightness.  I even went as far as calling my surgeon's office Friday afternoon to see if it's normal to feel this way.  Bad news: it is.  Good news: the nurse assured me I'd feel much better after New Boobs Day (31 days!).  I'm going to bench myself for the remaining 3 kickball games we have and really try to watch what I'm lifting, drink a ton of water, and continue stretching.  I can handle 31 days!

Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma madness

I promise I haven't forgotten to update, we've just been crazy busy and have a few more weeks of the madness before things slow down! 

Not much to report on the cancer side of things; I've been waking up sore every day so that's fun. The muscles in my chest and arms have been really tight and I've been trying to stretch as much as possible.  I think sleeping in my in-law's guest bed over the weekend, long jaunts in the car, short walk/runs, and playing kickball are all playing a part in the soreness.  I'm just overall not being very cautious with my body anymore and I think it's telling me to slow down.  Who has time to slow down though, when there's so much fun to be had? 

We got home Sunday night from a great weekend in WI!  We spent time with Jason's parents, cousins and aunt, went to Lauren's (one of the two cousins we saw) bridal shower, and to the Packer's (GO PACK!) v. Redskins game on Sunday with our good friends Andrew, Joelle, Robin and Emily.  It was a packed (see what I did right there?) weekend with little sleep, loads of fun and awesome memories made.

The girls and I dancing with the Tundra Line at Lambeau Field and some snapshots from the game.  We're super excited about our cool new Packer's sunglasses :)

Let the craziness continue (oh, and only 50 days until NBD)!