New Boobs Day

It's like waking up on Christmas morning (literally, it even snowed last night) - excitement has now beat out nerves in a 97% to 3% landslide.  1-2-3-GO!

"Breast Reconstruction" vs. "Boob Job"

This article is so perfectly written and so well-timed, I couldn't resist sharing.  FYI, I'm guilty of calling it a "free breast cancer boob job" too; it's the only part of having cancer that doesn't make me feel like I'm drowning.

I'm OK with my feelings of excitement toward it (even if there's a tiny bit of nervousness there too).

Wednesday

By this time next week, I'll be resting comfortably on my living room couch with my new boobs (and Jason!) to keep me company.  ONE WEEK!  I can finally answer "When's your surgery again?" with "Wednesday" and people won't ask for the actual date. I've been counting down for some time (sorry), and today got the following reminder on my phone:

My "event" is just a week away (as if I'd need the reminder, ha)!

Total side note: friends/family who are nurses, this is for you.  I had a second pre-op appointment on Monday to basically make sure I was alive before the doctor could sign off that I was good to go on surgery (my hemoglobin, kidney function and potassium levels are all normal). The doctor came in (not my regular), sat down and started going through my information: current medications, past surgeries etc.  Here's a rundown of the conversation:

Dr.: "What surgery are you having next week?"
Cassie: "Breast reconstruction."
Dr.: (pause) "Why are you having breast reconstruction?"
Cassie: "Because I had a bilateral mastectomy in June."
Dr.: "Why did you have the bilateral mastectomy?"
Cassie: "I was diagnosed with breast cancer."

Now, I'm not saying (at all) that it's the doctor's fault for asking these questions (although I wonder if she saw how old I was and thought maybe I was getting new boobs for fun?).  I'm curious though, why none of that medical history, pretty major stuff, wasn't on my chart?  Especially since I'd had the pre-op for the mastectomy at this same clinic?  They know I had once been taking pre-natal vitamins, but they skip adding cancer to the list?  C'mon!

Ten

Ten days!  That's it, the time has finally come where I can say "surgery is next week!"  Jason and I met with Dr. Heinrich on Thursday to go over details of the surgery.  We talked about the size of implants I'll get (she'll test a few out before sewing me up to see what looks the most natural), what I can expect for pain (I'll be sore for a few days) and how it'll affect the progress I've made with my physical therapy (should actually make things better).  She said I'll be swollen for a few weeks, and I'll have to wear a compression bra of some sort to help with that.  I'll do whatever she says as long as it means I can get rid of these expanders! 

Yesssss!

Countdown

Three weeks to go; excited to get somewhat back to normal!  No more pain (I hope), no more rock-hugs to my friends/family, no more covering the lopsidedness with my hair. 

I am so beyond ready.

It's my Birthday!

Usually I wouldn't have ended "It's my birthday" with an exclamation point, but I'm a changed woman.  My outlook on aging has gone from "I'm going to celebrate 29 every year from now on" to "Bring it on age, I made it this far." I'm perfectly happy where I am, at the age I am, and instead of dreading a new number, I'm embracing another successful year under my belt.

I'm confident that 29 has good things in store.  The biggest thing on my radar: I'll celebrate five incredible years with Jason in a few short months.  Another thing I'm looking forward to: New Boobs Day!  I'll have milestones to celebrate with family and friends, mini celebrations at our favorite restaurant, Kafe 421, and a whole lot of being thankful happening. A few goals:

1. Mega-clean our basement of all the cobwebs, dust and miscellaneous boxes that landed there when we moved in 3 years ago so we can maybe start finishing it
2. Finish landscaping our back yard
3. Push my idea of pajamas for women having mastectomies further; I've heard absolutely no feedback from the organizations I've reached out to, and that's not ok 
4. Secure our wireless network (small but something I've been meaning to do for a long time)

As we celebrated turning 29 last night, I was talking with some girlfriends about over-committing and missing out on time with the people who mean the most to me.  It's difficult to say "no" to things, but I'm going to try really hard to start saying it more.  Life's too short to waste even an hour doing something you don't want to do.  I want to really savor the time I have with the people I love and not constantly be worried about what I'm falling behind on on my list of things to do (I'm famous for my to do list's, by the way). 

Looking forward to what this new year has in store for me.

Jason = Positive Vibes

While waiting tonight for our purchase to be gift-wrapped for one of the many weddings we have this summer, I picked up a name horiscope-like book and found such a promising message under "Jason":

You will marry young (we were 24 and 25) and will weather initial difficulties (hello 2013!?) due to your age and inexperience (no one, at any time in their lives, should be prepared for what this year has put us through). Time will bring confidence, security, and happiness.

How uplifting, right?  Of course I searched for my name, but no one recognizes "Cassie" as a name.  I don't count Cassandra as being close enough (that's not my name); I want straight up Cassie.  No cool name pencils or key chains for this gal growing up.  Oh well, I think Jason's scope is perfect for both of us.  Time has brought us so far from where we started in all of this, and I'm so confident that it will eventually not cross our minds every single day.  Just a matter of time.

Another matter: kickball.  Our team did awesome last night, starting our season off with a 11-2 victory!  The ref was nice, cracking jokes while I was trying to play catcher, and we were all miserable in the oven that has taken over MN this week.  We made the best of it though and I'm so proud of our team.  I played without pain (although I'm pretty sore today) and I know the more I do it (i.e. every Tuesday for the next 7-8 weeks) the better I'll feel.  As a matter of fact, kickball will pretty much bring me right up to New Boobs Day (70 days)!

TGIF

I've survived my first week back in the office.  Of course, it wasn't a full week there, just 3 days, but it's a start!  I also have some pretty exciting news: New Boobs Day is officially happening on Wednesday, November 6th (only 82 days!).  I can't wait to get these rock-hard, uneven, armpit-bags outta here and some pretty new softies put in.  I don't even care that I'll have to go through more pain; it'll just bring me one step closer to feeling normal again! I've been told that this surgery is much easier than the one I had in June; I won't have any overnights in the hospital and I'll be back to work in the office within days of the operation.  Awesome!  I'll have (I do already!) so much to be grateful for at Thanksgiving!

My expansion yesterday went really well - getting a needle through a bruise didn't hurt as badly as I imagined it would, and I'm slightly less sore this week than I remember being last week. The ride to WI last night went fine too.  Something's up today though; I feel nauseous and have a slight headache.  I took the same dosage of pain meds I've been taking during the last couple expansions, but I have a feeling they have something to do with how I'm feeling.  I'm considering not keeping up with them today - I'd rather deal with the pain on it's own than this sick feeling I have right now. 
 

View from the passenger seat: a hot air balloon just as we got into Wisconsin.

I also think that the hot flashes have started (of course, it's a beautiful 75 and sunny right now, so that might have something to do with it).  They're nothing terrible, but I'll get super hot and take off the tshirt or sweatshirt I'm wearing, then I'll get super cold and have to put everything back on.  It's happening maybe once an hour, and I don't think they're intense as I imagined they'd be.  If this is it, I'll totally be able to handle it for the next 5 years.  I've been adding ground flax seed (thank you Joelle!) to my food and my mother-in-law Barbie just suggested incorporating more soy into my diet to minimize the flashes.  I'm totally up for trying any natural remedies, especially if they're healthy in other aspects too!