1-2-3 GO!

Today I'm starting tamoxifen.  It's a big day (in my opinion anyway) because it's the starting line to my 5-year marathon to a cancer-free me.  It also starts a 5-year ban on getting pregnant (cancer, you're a jerk).

Of course, here I am, impatiently waiting for Jason to take me to Target so I can get the pills and start them already (it'll just be one/day).  I figure, the sooner I start it, the sooner I can finish.  If you're not familiar with the drug, here's a rundown courtesy of WebMD:

Tamoxifen is used to treat breast cancer that has spread to other parts of the body (metastatic breast cancer) (taking it is precautionary for me; my doctors have assured me that my cancer hasn't spread), to treat breast cancer in certain patients after surgery and radiation therapy, and to reduce the chances of breast cancer in high-risk patients.

This medication can block the growth of breast cancer. It works by interfering with the effects of estrogen in the breast tissue.

Side effects can include:

• hot flashes;
• leg cramps;
• muscle aches;
• hair thinning;
• headache; and
• numb/tingling skin

How lovely!  I'll be a 55-year-old woman stuck in a 28(almost 29, eek!)-year-old's body.  The possible side effects are much better than having cancer; need to remind myself of that, probably once they start kicking in more so than right now though, haha!

One Step Forward...

You know what comes next.  Such a roller-coaster of emotions, this year has been.  On top of everything that's happened—deaths in the family (one very sudden), my cancer diagnosis/surgery/recovery, and plans for starting a family completely disrupted—Jason found out yesterday that the company he was working for is going out of business, as of yesterday, leaving him on the hunt for a new job.

Things could be worse; I have amazing insurance.  My medical bills through this whole process have racked up to almost six digits, and we've only seen $25-$45 co-pay's here and there.  I'm not done yet either - I have another surgery and 5 years of medication coming up. The bills could very likely surpass what we took out as a mortgage on our house.

Yes, the unemployment Jason will collect will be less than his salary, but his confidence, skills and talent will land him a great job, and soon too.  From the moment he heard the news, he's been sending his resume out.  He's not wasting any time and I'm so thankful he's so on the ball. If he doesn't stress about money, I won't stress about money. 

Our worst day is still a better day than many other people in this world are having.  It took me awhile yesterday afternoon (between wiping tears and sobbing to my sister on the phone - hey, it's a lot to handle in a short period of time) to remind myself to be grateful for everything we have. Pitty party - table for one.

Timing, ohhh you sweet son of a b****.  You're awful right now. 

Weekend Wrap-Up

Did I mention that I started work again last week?  I was (and will continue for a bit longer) working from home.  It felt great to have my brain back in use after my three weeks "off" but I found myself getting frustrated because of the workload.  It's not a heavy one to say the least - work has been great about easing me back into my duties - but I do feel overwhelmed at times, which I think, is the most frustrating part.  Before all of this, I'd be able to take on what I've got on my plate and then some without blinking an eye; now, I'm distracted and feel really slow.  I'm getting the work done, don't get me wrong, but not at the speed or quality I typically like to produce.  Crossing my fingers that this next week goes a little better!

My "home office" at the dining room table and a
big perk of working from home: catching kitty cuddle sessions :)

 

 

My second tissue expansion on Thursday was a much better experience than the first!  I still had the tight, sore feeling from the first round, but the pain I felt in my ribs was completely absent!  I sneezed once late Thursday night and felt a quick stab, but other than that, my meds did their job and it was tolerable.  Thinking about getting a little crazy this week and bumping it up from 25 to 30 cc's in each side.

We met with a reproductive endocrinologist Friday morning and since, I've been struggling to summarize our experience.  Although the man is a genius who in the past made national headlines for his work with surrogacy (in a good way), his social skills were a little off (i.e. talking to me, as in mentioning something about the age of my ovaries [28 like they're supposed to be, if you're wondering] but looking at Jason while saying it.  Odd. 

Anyway, the reason we met with him was to determine what our options are for starting a family.  Here they are, as clear-cut as I can make them:

1. We harvest, create and freeze embryos now, before I start taking the tamoxifen, and use them either when I'm off the medicine in 5.5 years (it's been suggested that we wait 3-6 months after taking it so the drug is out of my system) or implant the embryos in a surrogate at some point before then.  As you can imagine, this process is extremely expensive (like, needing to with the Powerball before doing it, expensive).
2. We look into adoption.  I wish I could write a paragraph about it, but I've honestly not started doing research on it yet so I can't!
3. We wait 5.5 years (until I'm 34.5) to try for our first child. 

I feel like an 18-year-old again, starting college and trying to foresee where I'll end up in 4-5 years. Most 18-year-olds shouldn't be able to make such major decisions about their future (I put myself in that category); they haven't "lived" enough to know what they want to do when they grow up, and this feels like a similar situation.  How are we supposed to know what's best for us in the next 5 years?  I hate hate hate that there's a time frame pushing us too; if we decide to freeze embryos, we'll need to start the process in the next couple weeks, and I feel like that kind of a decision (and finding a pot of gold) requires more time.

Needless to say, I've had some very emotional moments over the past couple days, and I think that's why I've been delaying a post.  I didn't know what to write.  The thought of waiting for so many years to have a baby is breaking my heart, especially since we were ready for that part of our lives right now.  I'm trying to have patience and generate positives about waiting but are you kidding me?  I'm the most impatient person on this Earth and waiting that long sounds like cruel and unusual punishment (for a crime that I've never committed).

Time to break out the good ole note pad and make a pros/cons list (after researching more about adoption, of course).

Reproductive Endocrinologist

Support, and Not in the Form of a Bra

I celebrated my four-week anniversary post-surgery by sharing my "close friends and family only" blog to Facebook in hopes that I could be a voice of encouragement to others who may be experiencing a similar situation.  The response has been overwhelmingly positive, encouraging, and loving, and I'm so very grateful to everyone taking the time out of their lives to read and share my story.  You are the people who add the fuel to my fire!  I've heard from a few ladies that it has motivated them to schedule an appointment they have been putting off, and hearing that makes me confident that I did the right thing by sharing my experience.  If even one person is able to catch something before it's a scary something, I'm doing my job!  It's never too early to get tested, and I'm not just talking about breast cancer either.  There's no room in life for hesitation when it comes to your health!

On a completely separate note, I just got home from having my second expansion.  Like I mentioned after last week's painful experience with 50cc's, I only did 25cc's on each side this time. I have to say, they're coming along quite nicely!  My preliminary assessment says that the right one is finally catching up to the left in terms of shape (it's been a little flatter) and my guess is that to any random, unknowing person, they wouldn't give me a second glance!  They're feeling a little tight but we'll have to wait a few hours until the pain (if it's coming) will really kick in.  That should be perfect since I have dinner plans with a few girlfriends at 7 (sarcasm font). I'll let you know how it turns out a little later!

More Tears

I know it's hard to imagine being so incredibly happy yesterday and then sad today, but it's true.  It happens.  Today Dr. Howe (my oncologist) called referring me to the U of M's Reproductive Medicine Center so I could set up a consultation with a fertility specialist before starting tamoxifen.  The woman I spoke with gave me a general rundown of services, all of which are extremely expensive, and most of which are not covered under my health insurance plan.

I know it's way too early to be giving up on having kids, especially since there is still so much that we don't know - we have many options.  It's just very cumbersome and scary and not at all the way I imagined making our little family of two into a family of three or four.

I'm still feeling VERY optimistic about everything else; it's crazy to think that it's been four weeks since my surgery on June 26 - absolutely nuts!  I'm feeling better and better every day and couldn't have asked for a better recovery period!

Reproductive Medicine Center

Reproductive Medicine Center

Reproductive Medicine Center

Tears

Of JOY!  Psych, I bet you thought after reading the title that something bad had happened.  Nope, not this time!  We just got home from my appointment with Dr. Howe and he gave us the very happy news that I won't need chemo or radiation!

He confirmed that I will have to be on tamoxifen for the next five years, meaning that the hormones in my body will be blocked by the meds, giving me menopause-like symptoms (and not very good for growing a baby). Dr. Howe is having a team member of his refer us to a couple fertility doctors, so we'll definitely be having a baby discussion before I start taking anything.

Hip hip HOORAY!

Nerves

You'd think by now I should be over being nervous for doctors appointments.  I'm not.  Jason and I are meeting with my oncologist over lunch tomorrow to discuss further treatment.  I'm hoping and crossing my fingers and toes that the oncotype test results are in so we can include that information as we decide on a plan of attack.

If the results say the cancer is likely to reoccur, I'm looking at some chemo and/or radiation.  If not, then yippee, neither!!  Either way, it's very likely I'll have to be on Tamoxifen.  I can get into the awesome (sarcasm font) side effects of that tomorrow once I know more, but yikes.  Welcome back nerves!

Third Time's a Charm?

I had the privilege of being drained for the third time today.  Gross right?  How is it possible that over three weeks of healing, I'm still producing enough liquid that it needs to be extracted from me?  Thankfully, it was MUCH less today than it has been the other two times, so I think 1) the room my expanders took up is leaving less room for the liquid and 2) the compression bandage is working.  I've certainly been drinking mine and Jason's share of water the past couple days so maybe that had something to do with it too? 

Tonight I spoke with a lovely woman from Boston who had, 5-6 years ago, been in a very similar situation as mine.  She was 28 at the time of her diagnosis, and although her surgery and (so far) treatments were different, she was able to offer me something no one else at this point has been able to offer: knowing exactly how I feel.  No, she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) weren't trying for a baby like we were at the time of diagnosis, but she understands the fears of recurrence and having cancer constantly on the brain.  It was SO nice talking with her; I'm sure by the end of our 40 minute conversation she was more than ready to hang up, but I'm looking to her as a resource of information so I can't get enough of it. 

I hope that I can be that voice someday, helping another young woman in our situation.

Talk About Pain...

So last night I mentioned being in pain from the first expansion.  It got much, much worse from the time I made the post.  I somehow got myself to a lying down position on our bed, bawling, and was attempting some of the stretches I learned in PT (hey, the drugs weren't working so I had to exhaust all avenues) while Jason was Googling to see if others had had a similar reaction to their first expansion.  They did. 

The stabbing pain I was feeling in my ribs was normal; we found out the a lot of surgeons will sew the breast muscle to the ribs, so of course, when the muscle expands (because of the tissue expanders underneath) it pulls the ribs, making them feel like they're slowly breaking.  How nice right?  I broke down and took more of my meds (I've been trying to take less than I need - who needs all of these drugs in their system?) which helped me sleep.

I woke up this morning and just laid in bed, dreading sitting up (by far the most painful thing I do every day) and finally I gave myself the 1-2-3 and I was up. I took meds immediately and over the past two hours, they've kicked in enough to allow me to take a shower (a very slow and careful one at that).  I'm planning on taking it easy today; maybe doing my stretches a few times but other than that, I don't think I can handle much more :(

Expansions

What a great weekend!  We were busy, but not as much as a typical weekend when the Schober's are in town.  They're such a great source of support and love; Todd was his usual sassy self and Barbie was a doting mother-in-law with an eagle eye for me the entire time.  Love them! 

Although I thought we played it pretty easy, I'm exhausted today.  I slept late and woke up hot and crabby, that is until we had breakfast in a nice air-conditioned restaurant nearby.  And get this: I drove today!  For the first time in 20 days I drove a car!  I didn't make it very far, just to a gas station a few blocks away, but it's a start!  It was still just a little too painful to pull the steering wheel and I'm hesitant and slow which isn't good when driving in the hussle-bustle of the city.  I think I'll give it another couple days before trying again.  It'd be amazing to have the freedom of driving again; it's awful having to rely on others for rides.  I feel like such an inconvenience sometimes!

This afternoon we met with Dr. Heinrich who (thankfully) drained out another couple large-syringes of fluid that had collected under my skin.  It's so gross; I'm so relieved that it's gone.  It's jiggly and uncomfortable and I hate having it!  Jason and I didn't think this would happen too, but she wanted to expand me today as well!  After we got rid of the nasty fluid, she asked me to lay back on the table.  She took out her magnet and found the ports into my tissue expanders, then marked the spot on each side with a blue X.

Her assistant (didn't catch her name), on my right, and Dr. Heinrich, on my left injected me at the same time.  First, 25 cc's.  Then, when I said I wasn't really feeling a change, they added another 25 cc's.  It was CRAZY watching my "breasts" get bigger right before my eyes.  It was like puberty in fast-forward.  Sitting up I felt an enormous amount of pressure in my chest, and since getting home, have felt sort of a stabbing pain right down the center of me that pulses each time I expand my chest to breathe. I'm on as much medication as I'm able to take and I'd say my pain level is at a 7.  It hurts bad.  Almost as bad as those first few days after surgery.  I think I need to hold off next time and only do 25 cc's :( 

Keeping up with the Schober's

I've been a busy girl!  I'll get through the yucky part first.  Because I was still producing so much fluid after the drains came out, I had to have the excess pocket (what looked like a nasty fat roll/side boob) drained, which at the time didn't hurt much, but about an hour after killed!  That was Thursday, and I've noticed that it's been filling up again, which means another possible drain at my appointment on Monday.  Dumb.

Yesterday I met with a physical therapist who showed me exercises I can do at home 2-4 times/day to regain the range in motion I've lost since the surgery.  I did it once first thing this morning (before taking any of my pain meds) and wow, it hurt.  Bad.  Showering after was not fun and took WAY longer than it needed to.  Once the drugs kicked in I felt much better and went shopping with my two sisters for some new dresses (the tube top swim suit cover-ups need to go) and after painful try-ons, came out with a few scores!

When I got home I did the PT exercises again and did much better; not so much pain, a little further in the stretches.  It feels so good to be doing SOME sort of exercise again; I know I'm burning maybe 15-20 calories while doing the stretches, but anything is better than nothing at this point.

I'm awaiting the arrival of Jason's parents - Todd and Barb - at the moment.  They're the best in-laws a gal could've hoped for (and I'm not just saying that for brownie points either).  I'm so excited to see them, but at the same time a little nervous.  When they're here, we like to show them the town and check out local events.  Usually our outings involve way too much eating and drinking (something I've not done while on all these pain meds) and are go go go non-stop.  I hope I can keep up with them!

Todd & Barbie <3

Pins and Needles

Now that my awful drains are out and I'm showering a ton, I've noticed that I've started getting more and more feeling back in the incisions.  I imagined that if I did get any feeling back, it'd be normal, skin and tissue feeling, or whatever I was feeling before surgery.  I was WAY wrong; I've been getting these super intense minute-long episodes where it feels like I'm being poked with a needle straight through the nipple (if I had one).  It's crazy and totally takes my breath away.  Of course I've checked it out and it's called phantom pain.  I'll have to figure out how to deal with it because man, I can't be going through that all the time!

We met with Dr. Sanan yesterday and I totally had a breakdown in the examination room.  C'mon, you can't ask a gal in my position "how have you been feeling" after the last three weeks I've had.  I blame PMS.

Long Road Ahead

That was by far, the most amazing shower of my entire existence.  When I finally felt the water make it's way through my 3-day-old, hairspray and dry-shampoo crusted mane (my friends and family can confirm, I have a mane) I started bawling.  At first because the cool water just felt so good on this hot summer night we're having.

And then I started crying because the last time I was in that very shower, it was the morning of my surgery and it brought back all the nerves, fears and emotions of that morning.  It reminded me that I've had a very hard three and a half weeks; weeks I wish upon no one.  I've been poked and prodded, biopsied, cut, stitched and taped.  I've woken up to pain so deep, a simple movement of my arm can take my breath away.

I've been shown so much love, support and friendship that I could fill a ship with it and send it off to places that need those very things, and I'd STILL have some left over for me.

I've proved to myself how strong I can be, and then ten minutes later how weak I can be.  I have a long way to go until I'm 100% recovered, but this shower is one in the first stumbly steps I'll take to get there.

Sweet Relief

Today I FINALLY had my drain tubes removed!  For those of you not paying attention, I've had these in since my surgery date, 12 whole days ago, to collect excess blood and puss my body produced while I was healing. 

Going into the appointment I had low expectations - I was supposed to be at 30cc's on each breast in a 24 hour period, and this last one was more like 45.  The color was right where it needed to be (sorry if that's gross) and the PA checked with Dr. Heinrich, came in and gave us the fantastic news that we got the green light to remove them.  I wanted to jump (too painful) and scream (too juvinile) so I flashed Jason a big smile and politely said "yay"!  Inside I was crying and hyperventilating like the young silly girls do when they see Justin Bieber.  This was my Bieber moment.

The PA removed the tape that'd been on my sides for the better part of two weeks and had me take a deep breath in and exhale for five counts.  During the exhale she pulled the tube, and I felt it uncoil inside of me - it was such a crazy cool feeling.  Removing the tape hurt worse than having the tubes pulled out, so when she moved on to do the left side I was feeling awesome.  I was able to hold in my excited screaming until we got to the car, which I'm sure Jason appreciated (sarcasm font). 

I have dinner plans with girlfriends but you better believe the second I get home that shower is mine, and I'm probably going to stay in there for a half hour at the very least.  Ohh sweet water, sweet shampoo and conditioner, how I've missed you!!

Over it

SO over these stupid drains.  It has been 12 days since I've taken a proper shower and these tubes coming out of the sides of me are driving me nuts!  Now that I'm feeling a little better, I've been going out in public a little more and wearing a fannie pack with pockets of puss and blood inside isn't exactly stylish for a gal my age.  I've tried pinning the bags to the insides of my clothes/dresses but there's no hiding these ridiculous things. 

Tonight I needed 15cc's or less on each side, followed by a repeat performance tomorrow morning.  Just now I was at 37 and 32.  Not cutting it.  Jason's trying to be positive, saying things like, "maybe by Wednesday" but oh. my. gosh.  I thought getting through the weekend was going to be tough.  I don't think I can do this for much more.  I'm considering canceling my appointment all together tomorrow; they'll tell me to come back in a few days.  Waste of time if you ask me.

Guhh!

Drains Drains Go Away

I'm reclaiming my independence, sort of anyway.  Yesterday I was able to successfully shave my armpits AND put my hair in a ponytail.  Tasks such as these are pretty simple to the every day lady, but a week after having surgery, with limited range in arm motion, I was pretty pumped I actually did it.  How exciting!

I didn't get into the details yesterday because my post was getting a little long, but I'd gotten the pathology report back the other day from Dr. Sanan.  He said that he had detected a few cancer cells in the sentinel lymph node he removed, meaning that had we not done the surgery, those cells could've spread to the next level of nodes and further on to the rest of my body.  Again, another close call in this crazy ride.  And, validation that I 100% made the right decision getting the bilateral mastectomy instead of the lumpectomy.  

I'm getting pretty sick of these drains.  Not so much the draining part - every time we empty them out it's kind of a guessing game to see how much will be in the cup.  Until this morning, I've been producing too much and the doctors don't want all of that excess liquid in my body.  The part that's bothersome is where the tubes come out of my sides.  They feel bruised and sore and just overall uncomfortable.  And because it's Friday, I'll be waiting until my appointment Monday afternoon, even if my drain totals stay where they are, to get them out.  Bummer.  I can do a few more days, I can do a few more days...

Non-Independence

It's been a week - I would've written sooner, but between nurses checking on me every 2 hours at the hospital, my mom and Jason fussing over me while at home those first few days, and the endless visits and phone calls from my family/friends since then, I feel like I haven't had time!  That sounds absolutely crazy since I'm not working and other than a doctor appointment and a trip to the market (I had to bust out some tears to convince Jason I was ready for an outing), I haven't gone anywhere.

I blame the naps.  Everything makes me tired.  While in the hospital the nurses were adamant about taking walks around the halls, so now that I'm home, I've been continuing those walks and I come home pooped!  The only movie I've watched in its entirety is the Little Mermaid, an 85-minute movie, and I think it was the adorable laughter of my niece Cecilia and nephew Josh that kept me awake for it.  Oh well, napping seems to be pretty nice; I can do it whenever I want and I usually feel pretty good after.  

My first walk post-op! Don't you just love the leg compressors AND grippy socks?

 Let's go back to last week so you can get the gory details of my surgery.  The day before, Tuesday, I was a ball of nerves.  Twitching and mind racing and just not doing very well.  Wednesday morning I did VERY well.  We got to the Breast Cancer suite right on time.  They had me change from the waist up into one of their luxurious gowns and head into the same room I had my biopsy in.  Jason and our bags were with me at this point and there was some delay in the injection they were going to use on me so we waited.  And waited waited waited.  Calmly might I add.  Finally they came in and injected me with a radio-active solution that Dr. Sanan would use to help find any stray cancer cells while he was operating on me. Included in the solution was something called lidocaine, which made my breasts numb.  A quick shot in each side and we were good to go.

Next we took a walk down to where the pre-op rooms were. After a bit more waiting, a nurse stood in front of me and asked if I was ready.  Lady I was BORN ready! She brought me into my own pre-op room and asked me to change into a purple gown, this time all other clothes gone. I was folding my pants and putting them into a plastic bag when Dr. Heinrich came in.  She made all of the markings the Dr. Sanan would follow during surgery and made me feel excited about the new boobs I'll have someday.

The nurse comes back in and as she asks me the health questions I've been asked all week (they type my answers into their database as they ask them, why is it that that no one seems to ever see them?) as a second nurse attempted to get an IV going on the top of my right hand.  She has a hard time with it, says my vein disappeared (huh?) and goes for one on my mid-forearm.  The nurses both leave and my family are finally able to come in now.  It's Jason, my mom, sisters and brother and I all smashed into this tiny little room but we make it work.  We crack jokes and once the anesthesiologist comes in we're almost having a good time.  She gives me something that makes me feel all goofy and I say goodbyes to my family.

Next I'm wheeled through hallways and into the operating room.  They transfer me to the operating bed and next thing I know, I'm out.  There was no counting down from a hundred, no "think happy thoughts" order, just sleep.  My guess is that, unknowingly to me, they injected my IV with something.  Fine by me!  I got to skip the anticipation and anxiety of the what if questions.  I wake up 6-7 hours later in the recovery room.  When I say wake up, I mean dozing, but I could hear myself snoring so that woke me up every time I started to doze. Dr. Sanan came in to check on me and said that everything went great and I finally got the go ahead to see my family!

I'm unhooked from a bunch of tubes and monitors and wheeled through the hallway, at the end of which I make out my mom, dad, sister and brother.  I gave them a little parade beauty-queen wave and then I'm in my room with a few nurses.  They transferred me over to my bed and got me all comfortable and finally let my family in.  At this point I'm super dozy and have zero recollection to what we discussed.  All I wanted was to sleep so when my eyes started drooping, they all (except Jason) went home.

Throughout that first night I'm woken up every two hours to take meds, have my blood pressure measured, my temperature taken and my oxygen levels looked at.  The machine that monitored my oxygen would go nuts every time I would finally drift off (deeper breathing = less oxygen) so they swapped me with something else.  I have these awesome (I wish I had a sarcasm font to use here) drain tubes that are removing the excess blood/puss from my wounds so we were emptying those every couple hours too.

These aren't MY drain bags, but they're exactly like the ones I had. 
I used black and white because to be honest, the liquid inside is pretty nasty!

The next few days/nights I had a few visitors and my mom/Jason took turns staying the night with me.  Its all a blur because I was sleeping so much of the time.  When I finally got the "go" to go home on Saturday the 29th I was the happiest girl ever!  My bed at home is definitely not as easy to maneuver in and out of as the bed in the hospital, but I can walk around topless here without anyone giving me dirty looks.  I'm not allowed to shower so I've been going through packs of baby wipes and we still have those drains to take care of.

The results are exactly what I was expecting - I have a 3-4" incision on each breast that's all stitched together and no nipples on either side.  The tissue expanders and drainage tubes give the appearance of a really botched boob job.  They're rock hard and the tubes look like veins sticking out (I'll spare you all a picture of that).  I wasn't looking for perfection at this stage and am happy I don't have to wear an uncomfortable bra or tons of gauze to cover the incisions (The zip up camisole I brought to the hospital?  Totally uncomfortable and haven't worn it once).  I think once I get the drain tubes out they'll look a little more normal (or at least normal for a girl who just had a bilateral mastectomy) and as I expand the balloons, they'll get better and better.  No more of this "A" cup I'm at right now :) 

I've been able to relax a little, and wanted to include pictures of some of my favorite things (among many many others) that were gifted to me and have kept me calm and comfortable during my time at home.  I recommend all of the products below, whether you're dealing with an illness or not - they're all fantastic!

From top left: Aveda's Blue Oil, a tuberose magnolia candle, eucalyptus spearmint pillow mist
from Bath & Body Works, and the softest button up jammies from Victoria's Secret

My time at home has been interesting so far.  Like I said earlier, I've had a few visitors and if anyone knows me, I like to have a tidy house before anyone comes over.  It's not difficult to keep a tidy house, just basically picking up after yourself, but when Jason doesn't allow me to do anything (beside the pain, the most difficult part of recovery), the house is less tidy than I like.  At least it has been decorated with a dozen vases of gorgeous flowers from my lovely brood of family and friends wishing me a speedy recovery!

I wish I would've taken more photos of the flowers :(  These are from my dad the Schober's

I put on a pair of jeans yesterday that indicated that I am, in fact, getting fat from wearing all of these stretch pants and comfortable clothes and eating all of the delicious treats my friends are bringing over.  I had a breakdown at that realization.  With no ability to work out (other than my short walks), I'll need to limit my food intake to strictly healthy foods, which is not my forte.  I work out for the sole purpose of eating treats.


The hair front has been quite interesting as well.  I have a lot of it and Jason's not exactly what I'd call an expert at taming it.  My sister washed it for me last night and we let it air-dry, so I'm going to bend the rules today and try to get it into a decent-looking ponytail this afternoon. Wish me luck!

I think today we're going to head out at my brother-in-law's parents house for a little bit.  They have a pool in their backyard that I won't be able to swim in, but at the very least I can put my legs in and pretend I'm swimming.  Later I'm bound and determined to see the fireworks so I'm hoping we can find a spot that's easy to get to and won't jostle me around too much.  I'm also hoping that I stay awake long enough for them!  Happy 4th all!