Post-Op

I made it through; surgery Wednesday morning went fine (although we started an hour late; drivers in MN always forget how to drive on the day of the first snow, and Dr. Heinrich was stuck behind a few accidents on her way in). I woke up after the surgery super fast, ate a few graham crackers and I was on my way home. Jason got me set up in bed and I happily slept my way through the afternoon/early evening. My sister Rachel stopped by later in the evening and we chatted for awhile, and I was back to bed around 10:00.

With all of the excitement over the past days, weeks, months leading up to Wednesday, I'd neglected to really imagine what these first couple days with my new boobs would be like. I'd envisioned beautiful, perky new boobs that look great no matter what I'm wearing. When I finally got the "go" to remove the dressing yesterday, I had quite the reality check: they're swollen, still marked-up from the morning of the surgery (even after taking a shower), and are looking a little lumpy.  They're much softer than the tissue expanders, but I almost prefer how they looked Tuesday to what they look like now :(

I'm trying really really hard to remind myself that the swelling is expected to last a few weeks; that somehow, under the "mess" I'm seeing, there's a very nice set of reconstructed breasts. I'm on the same meds as I was on for surgery #1, which means about 30-45 minutes of awake time to 3-4 hours of sleeping.  I'm not sleeping through the night, and not because of the pain, but because I think my body is just done being rested.

I had a lovely parade of visitors yesterday and I felt great (although drugged) to be in their company again, but now today I'm feeling emotional; sad that things aren't looking the way I'd imagined.  I don't want to do another surgery, but then I don't want to look like this for the rest of my life either. Keeping ice packs near me non-stop; I'm determined to minimize this swelling sooner than later.

One Step Forward...

You know what comes next.  Such a roller-coaster of emotions, this year has been.  On top of everything that's happened—deaths in the family (one very sudden), my cancer diagnosis/surgery/recovery, and plans for starting a family completely disrupted—Jason found out yesterday that the company he was working for is going out of business, as of yesterday, leaving him on the hunt for a new job.

Things could be worse; I have amazing insurance.  My medical bills through this whole process have racked up to almost six digits, and we've only seen $25-$45 co-pay's here and there.  I'm not done yet either - I have another surgery and 5 years of medication coming up. The bills could very likely surpass what we took out as a mortgage on our house.

Yes, the unemployment Jason will collect will be less than his salary, but his confidence, skills and talent will land him a great job, and soon too.  From the moment he heard the news, he's been sending his resume out.  He's not wasting any time and I'm so thankful he's so on the ball. If he doesn't stress about money, I won't stress about money. 

Our worst day is still a better day than many other people in this world are having.  It took me awhile yesterday afternoon (between wiping tears and sobbing to my sister on the phone - hey, it's a lot to handle in a short period of time) to remind myself to be grateful for everything we have. Pitty party - table for one.

Timing, ohhh you sweet son of a b****.  You're awful right now.