"Breast Reconstruction" vs. "Boob Job"

This article is so perfectly written and so well-timed, I couldn't resist sharing.  FYI, I'm guilty of calling it a "free breast cancer boob job" too; it's the only part of having cancer that doesn't make me feel like I'm drowning.

I'm OK with my feelings of excitement toward it (even if there's a tiny bit of nervousness there too).

Weekend Wrap-Up

Did I mention that I started work again last week?  I was (and will continue for a bit longer) working from home.  It felt great to have my brain back in use after my three weeks "off" but I found myself getting frustrated because of the workload.  It's not a heavy one to say the least - work has been great about easing me back into my duties - but I do feel overwhelmed at times, which I think, is the most frustrating part.  Before all of this, I'd be able to take on what I've got on my plate and then some without blinking an eye; now, I'm distracted and feel really slow.  I'm getting the work done, don't get me wrong, but not at the speed or quality I typically like to produce.  Crossing my fingers that this next week goes a little better!

My "home office" at the dining room table and a
big perk of working from home: catching kitty cuddle sessions :)

 

 

My second tissue expansion on Thursday was a much better experience than the first!  I still had the tight, sore feeling from the first round, but the pain I felt in my ribs was completely absent!  I sneezed once late Thursday night and felt a quick stab, but other than that, my meds did their job and it was tolerable.  Thinking about getting a little crazy this week and bumping it up from 25 to 30 cc's in each side.

We met with a reproductive endocrinologist Friday morning and since, I've been struggling to summarize our experience.  Although the man is a genius who in the past made national headlines for his work with surrogacy (in a good way), his social skills were a little off (i.e. talking to me, as in mentioning something about the age of my ovaries [28 like they're supposed to be, if you're wondering] but looking at Jason while saying it.  Odd. 

Anyway, the reason we met with him was to determine what our options are for starting a family.  Here they are, as clear-cut as I can make them:

1. We harvest, create and freeze embryos now, before I start taking the tamoxifen, and use them either when I'm off the medicine in 5.5 years (it's been suggested that we wait 3-6 months after taking it so the drug is out of my system) or implant the embryos in a surrogate at some point before then.  As you can imagine, this process is extremely expensive (like, needing to with the Powerball before doing it, expensive).
2. We look into adoption.  I wish I could write a paragraph about it, but I've honestly not started doing research on it yet so I can't!
3. We wait 5.5 years (until I'm 34.5) to try for our first child. 

I feel like an 18-year-old again, starting college and trying to foresee where I'll end up in 4-5 years. Most 18-year-olds shouldn't be able to make such major decisions about their future (I put myself in that category); they haven't "lived" enough to know what they want to do when they grow up, and this feels like a similar situation.  How are we supposed to know what's best for us in the next 5 years?  I hate hate hate that there's a time frame pushing us too; if we decide to freeze embryos, we'll need to start the process in the next couple weeks, and I feel like that kind of a decision (and finding a pot of gold) requires more time.

Needless to say, I've had some very emotional moments over the past couple days, and I think that's why I've been delaying a post.  I didn't know what to write.  The thought of waiting for so many years to have a baby is breaking my heart, especially since we were ready for that part of our lives right now.  I'm trying to have patience and generate positives about waiting but are you kidding me?  I'm the most impatient person on this Earth and waiting that long sounds like cruel and unusual punishment (for a crime that I've never committed).

Time to break out the good ole note pad and make a pros/cons list (after researching more about adoption, of course).

Reproductive Endocrinologist

I Can Do This

​Feeling awesome!  Met with Dr. Sanan and Lynnae this morning and learned a LOT about cancer.  We’re still waiting more info from the biopsy on what type of cancer cells I have, but we’ve come to a decision to do a double mastectomy with reconstruction.  Not quite sure when that’ll happen; my guess is in the next week or so?

It wasn't a difficult decision to make (I completely understand if it is for some women) because to me, they're just breasts.  Lumps of tissue that at this point in my life, aren't serving any purpose.  Plus, getting rid of them means I'm not looking over my shoulder the rest of my life, wondering if there are hidden lumps of cancer in them.  Dr. Sanan and Jason are both supportive of my decision which makes me feel great about it!

I’m still having the MRI on Monday morning and then next week I’m meeting with an oncologist, a plastic surgeon, a genetic counselor and I’m having a second opinion too.  I’m trying to avoid pushing surgery off too long so I’m hoping all of these appointments can be completed early in the week.  Head is spinning with all of the information but I talked with my sisters and mom and Ron (my step-dad) and Barb and Todd (Jason's parents) so I think everyone is (hopefully) feeling the slight relief I am.  I got some information on therapy so I can talk to someone about all of this, I’m planning on talking with Deb (a family friend) tomorrow morning and get her take on all of it since she’s been through it.  I plan on talking with everyone else in the next couple days about it.  It’s a strange feeling to be positive in this situation but I feel like I have no other option.  Let’s deal with it and move on!