It's my Birthday!

Usually I wouldn't have ended "It's my birthday" with an exclamation point, but I'm a changed woman.  My outlook on aging has gone from "I'm going to celebrate 29 every year from now on" to "Bring it on age, I made it this far." I'm perfectly happy where I am, at the age I am, and instead of dreading a new number, I'm embracing another successful year under my belt.

I'm confident that 29 has good things in store.  The biggest thing on my radar: I'll celebrate five incredible years with Jason in a few short months.  Another thing I'm looking forward to: New Boobs Day!  I'll have milestones to celebrate with family and friends, mini celebrations at our favorite restaurant, Kafe 421, and a whole lot of being thankful happening. A few goals:

1. Mega-clean our basement of all the cobwebs, dust and miscellaneous boxes that landed there when we moved in 3 years ago so we can maybe start finishing it
2. Finish landscaping our back yard
3. Push my idea of pajamas for women having mastectomies further; I've heard absolutely no feedback from the organizations I've reached out to, and that's not ok 
4. Secure our wireless network (small but something I've been meaning to do for a long time)

As we celebrated turning 29 last night, I was talking with some girlfriends about over-committing and missing out on time with the people who mean the most to me.  It's difficult to say "no" to things, but I'm going to try really hard to start saying it more.  Life's too short to waste even an hour doing something you don't want to do.  I want to really savor the time I have with the people I love and not constantly be worried about what I'm falling behind on on my list of things to do (I'm famous for my to do list's, by the way). 

Looking forward to what this new year has in store for me.

Jason = Positive Vibes

While waiting tonight for our purchase to be gift-wrapped for one of the many weddings we have this summer, I picked up a name horiscope-like book and found such a promising message under "Jason":

You will marry young (we were 24 and 25) and will weather initial difficulties (hello 2013!?) due to your age and inexperience (no one, at any time in their lives, should be prepared for what this year has put us through). Time will bring confidence, security, and happiness.

How uplifting, right?  Of course I searched for my name, but no one recognizes "Cassie" as a name.  I don't count Cassandra as being close enough (that's not my name); I want straight up Cassie.  No cool name pencils or key chains for this gal growing up.  Oh well, I think Jason's scope is perfect for both of us.  Time has brought us so far from where we started in all of this, and I'm so confident that it will eventually not cross our minds every single day.  Just a matter of time.

Another matter: kickball.  Our team did awesome last night, starting our season off with a 11-2 victory!  The ref was nice, cracking jokes while I was trying to play catcher, and we were all miserable in the oven that has taken over MN this week.  We made the best of it though and I'm so proud of our team.  I played without pain (although I'm pretty sore today) and I know the more I do it (i.e. every Tuesday for the next 7-8 weeks) the better I'll feel.  As a matter of fact, kickball will pretty much bring me right up to New Boobs Day (70 days)!

Living

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly despairing, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."

- Agatha Christie

Dance Dance Dance

Have I mentioned how hot it's been this summer?  Yes?  Sorry - it's seriously scorching and making me completely regret taking central air off of my "absolutely must have" list when we were searching for and buying our house.  Next time AC, next time.

We celebrated my oldest friend Maeghen yesterday as she married a very cool and sweet guy, Reid at their gorgeous backyard wedding.  She was stunning, the guests were some of my favorite people, and we danced the night away.  That's right - I danced.  For a very long time.  I jumped, twisted and shook my booty and the fact that I had major surgery 8.5 weeks ago didn't cross my mind once.  I had the best time and felt 100% like myself again!  SUCH a great feeling!

Jason and I; the Maeghen and I; and the newly-weds Maeghen & Reid

I wasn't in any pain last night, just a little sore this morning.  Best part about the wedding (in a me-centered, selfish manner): I proved to myself that my fears of exercising are nothing to worry about.  If I can jump up and down for hours at a time, I think that I'm totally capable of getting back into an active life.  What perfect timing too; we have our first kickball game on Tuesday!  Can't wait!

Hot Hot Hot!

Going to make this short and sweet since I'm in a bit of pain and my head is spinning!  I had my sixth and final expansion this morning!  Woo hoooo!  So very exciting :) No more weekly appointments and days of nausea from the pain meds.  All I have to do is wait wait wait (patiently, of course) for New Boobs Day to roll around (76 days) and I'll be on my way to my new old self.

I was right about the hot flashes last week; they've officially begun.  It's been quite a hot and humid week so it's not helping, and I've been waking up 3-4 times a night overheating and uncomfortable.  I'm exhausted!  I'll try to roll over on my stomach (no way, ouch!) or side, (again, ouch) to air out my back but that hasn't been seeming to work all that well. I'm keeping on with the flax seed though; I know it'll kick in one of these days and it won't be so bad anymore.  I'm meeting with my oncologist in two weeks to check in on how the Tamoxifen is going, and I have a list of vitamins that are supposed to help the flashes that I'm going to run by him.  Until then, it's a hot child in the city!

TGIF

I've survived my first week back in the office.  Of course, it wasn't a full week there, just 3 days, but it's a start!  I also have some pretty exciting news: New Boobs Day is officially happening on Wednesday, November 6th (only 82 days!).  I can't wait to get these rock-hard, uneven, armpit-bags outta here and some pretty new softies put in.  I don't even care that I'll have to go through more pain; it'll just bring me one step closer to feeling normal again! I've been told that this surgery is much easier than the one I had in June; I won't have any overnights in the hospital and I'll be back to work in the office within days of the operation.  Awesome!  I'll have (I do already!) so much to be grateful for at Thanksgiving!

My expansion yesterday went really well - getting a needle through a bruise didn't hurt as badly as I imagined it would, and I'm slightly less sore this week than I remember being last week. The ride to WI last night went fine too.  Something's up today though; I feel nauseous and have a slight headache.  I took the same dosage of pain meds I've been taking during the last couple expansions, but I have a feeling they have something to do with how I'm feeling.  I'm considering not keeping up with them today - I'd rather deal with the pain on it's own than this sick feeling I have right now. 
 

View from the passenger seat: a hot air balloon just as we got into Wisconsin.

I also think that the hot flashes have started (of course, it's a beautiful 75 and sunny right now, so that might have something to do with it).  They're nothing terrible, but I'll get super hot and take off the tshirt or sweatshirt I'm wearing, then I'll get super cold and have to put everything back on.  It's happening maybe once an hour, and I don't think they're intense as I imagined they'd be.  If this is it, I'll totally be able to handle it for the next 5 years.  I've been adding ground flax seed (thank you Joelle!) to my food and my mother-in-law Barbie just suggested incorporating more soy into my diet to minimize the flashes.  I'm totally up for trying any natural remedies, especially if they're healthy in other aspects too!

My Essay

Taking Dana's advice from the other night, I submitted a short essay to Fab-U-Wish. I was only able to write 150 words (super limiting the way I tend to ramble on sometimes) but I gave it my best shot:

    "In the first few days at home after my bilateral mastectomy, there’s nothing I could do to get comfortable.  My brain was fuzzy from pain meds, I had yucky drain tubes coming out of me and fresh wounds on a very sensitive part of my body.  The only way I was remotely close to feeling comfortable was walking around topless (not great in front of visitors); that is, until I was gifted Victoria’s Secret Supersoft Short PJ Set.

    I don’t need anything, so my wish is that every woman having a mastectomy could have a pair of her own. It’s a BIG wish and it’ll take some thought, collaboration and generosity.  Ideally, we could somehow get VS to pair up with the Bright Pink, the American Cancer Society and/or Susan G. Komen to gift these to women before they leave the hospital. Comfort for all! #JustThinkAboutIt #Philanthropy #Survivors"

Hopefully it's a start!

Talk About the Little Things...

It's funny that I wrote about appreciating the little things in life just last night because this morning, I found a coconut yogurt in my fridge and was absolutely thrilled (that's what happens when you mindlessly grocery shop - you forget what you buy)!  So yummy; made my day!

Today is expansion #4 (that's right, totally skipped talking about #3 last week when I wasn't writing) and although I feel like a seasoned pro at this point, I can't decide what I'm dreading the most:

1. Knowing the PAs will stick a needle through the bruise that formed after last week's expansion, or
2. Riding in the car for 4ish hours later tonight while on pain meds.

Neither sounds awesome to me. Wish me luck!

Weekly Inspiration

Jason's very sweet aunt Colleen has been sending me inspirational quotes each week and I just wanted to share one (so cliché, I know!):

“Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things!”

Focus

My goal with this blog from the beginning was to share my story, hoping that it would help other women in their late 20's cope with situations, feelings and decisions we're not supposed to be coping with at this age.  I feel like I've lost focus a little and I've not been keeping up with my writing as much as I had hoped to.

To start fresh after almost an entire week of not posting, I have an idea I want to put out there. An idea that I know could potentially help hundreds, maybe even thousands of young women going through what I've gone through over the last couple months.  It's an idea that definitely needs more thought, and maybe even help from others (for sure from a few huge organizations).  Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions, tips, contact information, etc if you think you can help.

Cutting to the chase (you're probably thinking, good LORD this girl is dragging on); I received a pair of these Victoria's Secret pajamas as a gift from my lovely friends Julie & Josh and basically lived in them the first couple of weeks after my surgery.  I loved them so much, I bought a pair for a family friend who had her own bilateral mastectomy a few weeks after mine.  I raved about them to my sister and because of my recommendation, she bought a pair for a client of hers who also had a mastectomy (way too many women dealing with breast cancer for one paragraph, by the way).  The pajamas are amazing, and I'm not just saying that as someone recovering from surgery; I'm sure any lady would be comfortable in them!

I've already written a raving review about these on the Victoria's Secret website (I don't see it, or any other product reviews on their website.  I hope it wasn't just for their R&D team...), but I think it'd be awesome if we could somehow get Victoria's Secret to pair up with the American Cancer Society, or Susan G. Komen to get a pair of these into the hands of every woman having a mastectomy. I plan to mention the pajamas on social media, making sure to tag the above organizations, but I need to do more. What else can I do to make this idea a reality?

Oooofta

Talk about jumping back into work.  Before I went out for my surgery 6 weeks ago, my goal was to attend and work the event in Duluth.  I did it, but holy cow did it wear me out!  The early morning hours and longer-than-normal days totally took a toll on me and I was a major grouch last night (sorry Jas)!

It was awesome being back in Duluth again, even if I was working most of the time.  We went to all of the places that have become my favorite after years of visiting Rachel while she lived there.  Sunday was my favorite: we started the "vacation" by hiking at Gooseberry Falls, then had dinner at Hanabi and took a cruise of the harbor on the Vista Star.  Monday I was so exhausted after work that we had dinner at the Anchor Bar in Superior (best burger in MN, in my opinion), and passed out at the hotel by 10pm.  After a long and successful day yesterday, we stopped by Grandma's for an unwind beer before hitting up Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and starting the trip home.

Some snapshots from our trip

It was so nice to get away for a little bit!  Now that I'm back I need to be in full-speed-ahead mode but I think my refreshed brain is ready for it :)

No new news on the cancer-front, other than the fact that I found an email in my work inbox today that I sent the morning of my diagnosis.  I get nervous all over again thinking about that day :(  Good news: no sign of side effects from the tamoxifen yet (knock on wood); watch, now that I've said that I'll get hot flashes all day haha!

Third Time's a Charm

I had a successful expansion yesterday in which I had 35cc's injected into each side. It's like Goldilocks - 50 was way too much, 25 not enough, but 35 was just right :) I was a little sore last night and today but tolerable, and I think tomorrow I'm going to see how it goes without any pain meds. 

I'm very excited for tomorrow: Jason and I are going to have a little adventure in Duluth! I'm scheduled to be there for a work event but that's only for a bit tomorrow night and then during the day Mon/Tues. Jason's never been so I'm pretty pumped to show him all the places I've learned to love while visiting my friend Rachel while she was in Duluth for pharmacy school. It'll be like a mini vacation, which I think we're both in desperate need of. The weather should be nice and I can't wait to see the gorgeous city. It's been too long Duluth!