Chin Up

Nothing like a couple IPAs to make you feel okay with having cancer.  It's been one week to the day that I heard the dreaded diagnosis.  Looking back on a week that could've been three years long, I already see how far I've come in terms of dealing with it.  I don't feel like I have cancer; I don't feel sick and I don't think I look sick.  When I picture a cancer patient, I see the bald, sunken eyes chemo effect.  I'm just as much alive today as I was a week ago.  Maybe more?  I've realized a couple things in these short seven days:

• Never underestimate the power of support from friends and family
• Time doesn't matter when you're talking about a life/death situation all day (I'm far FAR from death by the way)
• Love from my Jason is all I'll need to get me through this next week/month/year/lifetime
• Telling people you have cancer doesn't ever get easy

I met with a second plastic surgeon yesterday and she completely eased the anxiety I was feeling about the end result.  She measured me and we discussed my fears and goals; she actually cares what I look like at the end of all of this, and that's exactly the person I need on my team.  Her results photos looked absolutely beautiful; feminine, as natural as you can expect for a reconstruction, and sized appropriately.  I'm not going all Dolly Pardon over here (I'm 5' 4", I'd topple over!).

Now that I've agreed to have her do the procedure we were able to set a surgery date: Wednesday June 26th.  Day one of my cancer-free life.

Today I had my pre-op appointment; I met a doctor who checked my blood pressure (good), my heartbeat, ears, nose, breathing, etc. Basically an overall checkup to tell the surgeons that I'm fine for my appointment on Wednesday. I had a bit of blood drawn and that was it!

Right after my appointment, Jason and I met with Dan, the pastor who married us almost five years ago.  He reminded us that things will get better and that we're right to be confident about my prognosis.  He also said that I'm a force (yeah I am) and that I should use this experience in a positive way, whether it be learning more about myself or helping others.

I've been tossing around the idea of making this blog public, and after Dan's encouragement I feel like I should.  There aren't many women my age who have to go through breast cancer and if I can answer questions or give encouragement, I feel like my experience with this will have a little more purpose.  Not sure when I'll work up the courage to put myself so out there online, but it'll happen.

I don't think that I was given the cancer card because I did something wrong or I was a bad person.  I think I was given this situation to grow and learn from, and I hope that I'll be able to do that in a way that will shape who I am in the future.  For now, keeping my chin up.