Can't Sleep

​Wide awake to the realization that I didn’t dream what has happened in the last 24 hours. It’s 66 degrees and I’m shaking all over.  Fear or cold? 

Telling my family this afternoon/tonight was terrifying.  I’d get super nervous and queasy before starting each conversation.  Happy Friday - I have breast cancer.  Jason took it OK, I saw tears but he didn’t let them go like I think he wanted to.  He's been super quiet all night and has let me do most of the talking.  My mom and sisters weren’t as discrete with their reactions.  I didn’t talk to Jason’s parents but he said they’re in shock (aren’t we all?).  Adam (my brother) was a champ - super positive, encouraging, offering to shave his head if I ended up doing chemo.  I’m a lucky girl to have a brother like that.  I told a few friends and their reactions were surprisingly different.  Shock first, followed by mutual agreement that I’ll kick cancer’s ass and then that they were feeling waves of nausea.  Me too my dears, me too. 

Rachel and Erin came over tonight; we all sat in the porch/back deck and had conversations that bounced from “what the hell is going on in our family - there are way too many random, terrible events happening this year” to listening to a new song Erin heard on her way over, or laughing at Rachel’s stories in the world of banquet serving.  Totally surreal. 

Feeling a little better, not so tense.  Going to try and lay down and fall asleep again.