To mark this occasion (and the many 1st-year-anniversaries coming up), I've gone back to the very beginning of this blog to reflect. A quick recap of the first six months: I'd go from writing posts like this:
"It’s a lot harder to be confident and strong and positive when you’re alone and it’s quiet and dark."...to starting the next one with "I'm feeling awesome!" Cancer's such a sucky, terrifying, no-seatbelts-and-upsidedown-loops roller coaster.
And now, the end.
I wrote the blog to remind the future me of all that I went through during the process of beating breast cancer. To remind myself (in case I don't glance at the scars, or have a dozen hot flashes each day) that it did in fact happen, and that I made it out alive. It's served as a place for me to jot down the feelings/fears I couldn't express out loud, a message board for my family and friends, and hopefully, as a source of inspiration for others who have heard the three dreaded words "you have cancer."
Now that my year with cancer is wrapping up (aside from occasional check-up appointments and taking tamoxifen, there's very little in my life that deals with it on a daily basis), I'm struggling to find content worthy of posting. I'm a boring person that went through something thousands of others go through; that doesn't make me interesting. Jotting down notes about what happens in my daily life isn't beneficial to anyone (and I think it comes across as a little narcissistic).
That being said, I also get a little stressed seeing "Post to blog" come up on my to-do list every couple of days. No one needs unnecessary stress, especially when life right now is so much fun. And especially when the remedy is so simple: to stop stressing about writing on this blog. I told myself at the beginning that I'd never let it get to this place where the content had nothing to do with breast cancer or my journey, and now that it's here, I think the only thing left to say is "goodbye."
I'm deleting the reminder on my phone (and finally, the alarms I created to remind me to take my different pain meds every 4, 6 and 8 hours - no clue why that took a year to do?!), and won't stress (at least, not about this) any more. If something at an appointment comes up, I may revisit just to jot it down, but no more of this bi-weekly "sorry I haven't written" nonsense.
Thank your for your continued support, your daily/weekly/monthly visits to this place where I've been spilling my guts for a year, and most of all, your love and friendship. I couldn't have made it through the experience without you!
Cass
