Uncertainty

So every year I have a stack of movies I watch in the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Typical holiday-type flicks: It's a Wonderful Life, Home Alone, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, White Christmas, The Santa Clause, and The Holiday. Another that I always watch is The Family Stone, which I love because of the giant family and the complicated dynamics between each member.  In the movie Sybil, the mother to a handful of grown children, has recently found out that her breast cancer (which she's battled in the past with a bilateral mastectomy) has returned.

I've watched this movie every year since its debut almost a decade ago, and of course, this year it hits home. I cried at all the parts I cried at before my diagnosis, but this year as I watched, a red flag was raised. What if my cancer comes back too, and what if we don't catch it in time to have the prognosis I had this summer?  I know the chances of it returning are statistically in my favor, but there's still those single-digit percentages that the cancer will return. I've been doing a great job not thinking about that happening, but I'm certainly not immune to it.

So what do I do?  I can't obsess over it and go into every appointment with fear or over-analyze every ping of pain I feel. No one has time for that! All that I can do is be aware of major changes, see my doctors as they suggest, and live the healthiest life I can. That's all any of us can really do, right?  No one has immunity when it comes to cancer; it sees no difference in race, class, gender or birth order.  I just hope that the battle I've already gone through wins me points if there is ever a round two.