Update

So I didn't initially want to divulge information about a third surgery I had in September (maybe I felt a little vain?), but it's part of my journey and I think it's important that it's included with my story. The surgery was "minor" compared to the other two I'd previously had, however I think it came in as 2nd on the pain scale. Dr. Heinrich (still an amazing surgeon) did a little bit of scar revision and fat grafting (gross, right?), where she sucked fat (not nearly enough in my opinion) from my stomach and hips and flushed it around my implants to give them a softer, more balanced look. I'm extremely pleased with the results, and am SO ready to be done with procedures! No more!

The oncologist I'd been meeting with since day 1 left the health system that my insurance covers, so I met with a new oncologist, Dr. Murphy. She specializes in young women who are diagnosed with breast cancer, and immediately I noticed a difference between the two. She brought up the family aspect (we'd wanted to start ours just before I was diagnosed) and offered to revisit starting one sooner than later (not yet though). I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet - going off tamoxifen is terrifying, especially if the goal is pregnancy which would give me an overload of hormones, but it was beyond nice to hear a doctor who actually looked at it from my perspective instead of immediately jumping into statistics.

Jason and I did the Making Strides walk again this year (in October) and I'm happy to say we raised just under $1,000 for the cause thanks to my family and friends. Feels great to be part of an event that is bigger than just my experience!

That's all (for now)!
Cassie

Tamoxifen

One year down, four to go. #cantheflashesgoawayalready?

One Year Later

And just like that, an entire year has passed. Today, one year ago (at approximately 2pm), I got the call no one ever wants to get. My breast cancer diagnosis was the switch that flipped my life completely upside down for 6 months, revealing in the process anxiety and pain, extreme love and support, and a sense of strength I never knew I had in me (cue eyes tearing up).

To mark this occasion (and the many 1st-year-anniversaries coming up), I've gone back to the very beginning of this blog to reflect. A quick recap of the first six months: I'd go from writing posts like this:

"It’s a lot harder to be confident and strong and positive when you’re alone and it’s quiet and dark." 

...to starting the next one with "I'm feeling awesome!" Cancer's such a sucky, terrifying, no-seatbelts-and-upsidedown-loops roller coaster.

And now, the end.

I wrote the blog to remind the future me of all that I went through during the process of beating breast cancer. To remind myself (in case I don't glance at the scars, or have a dozen hot flashes each day) that it did in fact happen, and that I made it out alive. It's served as a place for me to jot down the feelings/fears I couldn't express out loud, a message board for my family and friends, and hopefully, as a source of inspiration for others who have heard the three dreaded words "you have cancer."

Now that my year with cancer is wrapping up (aside from occasional check-up appointments and taking tamoxifen, there's very little in my life that deals with it on a daily basis), I'm struggling to find content worthy of posting. I'm a boring person that went through something thousands of others go through; that doesn't make me interesting. Jotting down notes about what happens in my daily life isn't beneficial to anyone (and I think it comes across as a little narcissistic).

That being said, I also get a little stressed seeing "Post to blog" come up on my to-do list every couple of days. No one needs unnecessary stress, especially when life right now is so much fun. And especially when the remedy is so simple: to stop stressing about writing on this blog. I told myself at the beginning that I'd never let it get to this place where the content had nothing to do with breast cancer or my journey, and now that it's here, I think the only thing left to say is "goodbye."

I'm deleting the reminder on my phone (and finally, the alarms I created to remind me to take my different pain meds every 4, 6 and 8 hours - no clue why that took a year to do?!), and won't stress (at least, not about this) any more. If something at an appointment comes up, I may revisit just to jot it down, but no more of this bi-weekly "sorry I haven't written" nonsense.

Thank your for your continued support, your daily/weekly/monthly visits to this place where I've been spilling my guts for a year, and most of all, your love and friendship. I couldn't have made it through the experience without you!

Cass

Full of Excuses

That's me, for not writing in what seems like forever! Let's see, what have I been up to?

• My mom and stepdad were in town right after Mother's Day, so we had them and my brother Adam over for a dinner with lots of debate on whether prayer should be allowed in schools (apparently wine not only brings on the hot flashes, but also the political debates with my Republican mother...). NO idea how we got on that topic, but I'm happy to say we ended the conversation and still love each other :)
• I had another LOLTC meeting - have I gone into this yet? I'm a volunteer on the planning committee for an event hosted by Gillette Children's Hospital called LOLTC (Laugh Out Loud Twin Cities). The event is in late September and we'll be having the one and only David Spade as our entertainment! We're still early in the process, but if you know of a business that'd be willing to donate gift cards, golf outings, vacations etc, please let me know! 
• I've still been seeing the physical therapist for my pesky back muscle; and thankfully I think it's on the way out. I'm still icing it every night, and it's pretty flared up after I run, but on occasion, I feel like I'm not noticing it anymore, which must mean it's getting better right?
• I had a Breast Cancer Patient Advisory Committee meeting, which, as always, reminds me of how thankful I am for the doctors and nurses I got to work with during my biopsy, diagnosis, surgeries and recovery. Not everyone is so lucky; I feel like I got the best of it all!
• My BFF from preschool, Maeghen, was in town from MA for her parent's 30th wedding anniversary, so we got to hang out a bit while she was here on a 3-day stay. It was lovely catching up with her and her two sisters; can't wait until October when the middle of the three girls (Alexis) gets married!
• We kicked off wedding season by celebrating our friends Paul and Will in a lovely ceremony and reception right here in St. Paul. The happiness that beamed out of their smiles was tremendous - it's not often you see true love like this (and they had a penguin at their reception - best entertainment ever!)!
• Jason and I just enjoyed a few days visiting friends in Rice Lake, WI over Memorial Day weekend. They recently bought their first house and it was so nice catching up and breaking it in! We came home a day early to have a grill out of our own, and so I could spend some time finishing up the paint job I started in our dining room (to fix damage from a polar vortex ice dam). It's getting there, just need to move the furniture back and we can call it done! 

Aaaaand that's just the past two weeks. Throw in a few of Jason's softball games, some yard work  (my seedlings are completely duds by the way), trips to the gym, and an episode of Breaking Bad here and there and I'd say my time is all used up :)

Bring it on summer (and sorry, I have photos for a few of the events above but I'm having issues with my Apple ID/iPhoto streaming...maybe next time)!

Success!

So today was the big day - I was going to try running the entire Race for the Cure. Did I succeed? No, but don't worry, I'm not too upset about it. I ran all but maybe 2 minutes of it, so still better than any of the other years I've participated. My sister Rachel and I had a great time and I can't wait to try try again next year (and probably a few times before that too)!

Rach and I by the giant ribbon and such excitement after finally finding bananas!

I've also been absolutely obsessed lately with the Young House Love blog (I'm late to the party). Haven't heard of it? Please please go here and check it out - you might become obsessed too. Anyway, it inspired me to do a little diy/clean up of our house, and after weeding through all of the drawers in our house (a lot with all of the built-ins we have), I feel organized and rid of clutter. It's a fantastic feeling! Also accomplished this weekend: a new railing on the balcony overlooking our backyard. We're hoping to put our little container garden up there once my seedlings sprout and are thinking about maybe putting a little table and chairs too. We'll see what happens; I'm just so excited it's finished!

Before and after!

Scatter-Brain

Life has been crazy (such a cliche) so I apologize if this gets a little disorganized.

First: running. This week has been a disappointment, to say the least. Sunday/Monday I tried running outside (hey, if I'm running 3 miles outside on Sunday, I should probably test the waters first, right?) and both days I did terrible! I don't know if it's the lack of a tempo that I get with the treadmill, or the minor hills/bumpy sidewalks I encountered, but my butt was sufficiently kicked. I was so discouraged that I skipped the 5K I'd planned on running Tuesday with the Lifetime crew and struggled through 35 minutes on a sweaty treadmill. Yuck. I took a break last night and tonight I was back at it, however I forgot to throw a pair of socks in my gym bag last night, so I ran barefoot in my shoes for 20 minutes before giving up to a nasty blister that started forming. I could've gone longer, but I need my feet to be in good shape!

Second: I didn't get a chance to gush but I'm going to toot my own horn for a minute. Last weekend I (along with two friends, Emily and Jhanna) threw a co-ed baby shower for our friends Andrew & Joelle. It turned out magnificently! The decorations were adorable, the food and drinks were tasty, and the company couldn't have been better. Everyone who attended seemed to have a great time, so I'd call that a success!

Our hard work in action

Finally: We're trying our hands at gardening vegetables this summer! We're getting a late start (I saw cute little sprouts WEEKS ago already at a friend's house), and we're going small for this first attempt. We bought a small container and plan to enjoy an assortment of fresh peppers, tomatoes, tomatillos, basil, oregano, chives, cilantro and mint (if all goes according to plan). I'm all for sharing, so bring on the tips!

Doesn't look like much now, but in 7-10 days we should see some sprouts!

Food

The shoes work! I don't feel light as a feather, but somehow the minutes are getting easier and easier (I feel like I'm going to struggle tonight, just because I'm saying this right now). I'm still not looking forward to my runs, but not absolutely dreading them is encouraging ha.

So I'm sure you're sick of hearing me talk about running, back aches (yep you guessed it - our handiwork around the house this weekend enraged my rhomboid muscle again) and being a vegetarian (still going strong since Mexico (although I may be adding fish in here and there... stay tuned)!), so I'm going to share a delightful little recipe Jason and I made for dinner last night that packs in the veggies and smells amazing while you cook it. It's from the genius chef Andie Mitchell's blog "Can You Stay for Dinner" and it's called Lightened Up Pad Thai for Two. Like her, I could eat it for days at a time. Mine didn't look as pretty as hers does, so I'll share one of her photos: 

Try it and let me know what you think!

Enjoy!